Colonel Douglas MacGregor

 

(America is using Ukrainian blood to foment regime change.)

Yesterday, I read the bible. I’m on the part where God sends the angel of death to kill all the first-born sons of the Egyptians. He doesn’t even spare the livestock. The only way to escape this horror is by putting lamb bloods on the top and sides of your doorframe. It brings to mind the concept of limited atonement. Not everybody gets saved. In fact, according to the scriptures, most of us will be thrown into the fiery furnace of hell. Don’t get me wrong. God loves his people with all his might. But if he doesn’t know your name, then you’re pretty much screwed. That’s why I pray every night. I want to make it hard for the Lord to condemn me to a life of eternal damnation. Therefore, I’m doing my best to be his friend. Will it work? Well, let’s keep our fingers crossed.

Later, I turned on Fox News. Tucker Carlson devoted an entire segment to eggs and chickens. Hens across the country simply aren’t laying eggs. The FDA is trying to blame the sky-rocketing price of eggs on avian flu. But Tucker seems to believe it has something to do with the animals’ food. Chemicals in their vittles are blocking the natural function of nature. One of Carlson’s guests told the audience that he recently changed the chicken feed on his farm. And viola. Suddenly, he has eggs up to his arm pits.

I talked to one of my friends on Facebook.

He said, “I can’t believe that you’re not supporting the war in Europe. Your stance is unpatriotic.”

I said, “100,000 Ukrainians have been killed because of that pointless conflict.”

“Not true! Where are you getting your information.”

“I read it on Zerohedge. The author of the article was Colonel Douglas MacGregor.”

“Douglas MacGregor. That guy is a giant asshole. He’s simply trying to sell books. Jennifer Griffin ripped him a new one on Fox News.”

I sighed heavily. “How many times are you going to let the government fool you?”

“What are you talking about? Nobody’s fooling me.”

“They told us that we had to go to war in Vietnam, or we’d be fighting the communists on Main Street. Then they told us that the war in Afghanistan would be a complete success. Well, we all know how that turned out. They also said the citizens of Iraq would welcome us as heroes when we invaded their country. More bullshit.” I paused for dramatic effect. “Lucy keeps pulling the football away, but we keep on believing the crap that they're shoveling into our mouths.”

He had no reply.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. and slept like a corpse. Then I woke up at 6 a.m. and walked to the bathroom. After that, I read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a shit. 76 percent of Koreans want their nation to develop nuclear weapons. Many are afraid that Kim Jong-un might launch a surprise attack and reunify the peninsula under his dictatorship. I’ve never lost a minute of sleep over that fat little dwarf. But what do I know?

At 10 a.m., I drove my stepfather to the dentist. He has an infected tooth that is giving him an earache. The doctor says that it needs to be pulled. However, first he must be treated with antibiotics to kill all the bacteria. My stepfather also needs a new set of dentures. Yet his choppers won’t be ready for another couple of months.

Diarrhea

(Mom is suffering from the squirts.)

Yesterday, I read the bible. I’m at the part where Jesus explains to his disciples that it’s never too late to join the party. He tells a parable about a guy who owns a vineyard and needs workers to pick the grapes. The owner hires some men in the morning and hires some more at noon and finally hires people at 3 p.m. Then he pays everybody the same wage at the end of the day. Needless to say, the men of the morning crew are a tad nonplussed for earning the same salary as the latecomers. But Jesus says that we should be happy for the success of our brothers and not waste our time pointing fingers at each other. It’s very powerful stuff.

Later, I turned on Fox News. General Jack Keane believes that the Ukrainians are going to defeat Russia in the current war. Yet this is the same guy who told us that things were going swimmingly in Afghanistan. Therefore, it’s not like you can trust Keane’s judgement. This is what I know. Ukraine is a small country, and so far Putin has killed 150,000 of its citizens. Pretty soon, there will be no one left to fight. We’ll be able to see how things shake out in the near future. The Russians are planning a huge offensive that is scheduled for the spring. I see a lot of tragic unnecessary bloodshed in the future. Maybe it’s time to get both sides to the negotiation table.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. and slept like a corpse. Then I woke up at 6 a.m. and walked to the bathroom. After that, I read the news on my smartphone while taking a shit. South Korea is finally dropping the national mask mandate on Monday. However, we will still be required to sport our face diapers in hospitals and on public transportation. It’s funny. I’m triple vaxxed, and I’ve been dutifully wearing my mask for the last three years. Nevertheless, I still caught the virus. Go figure.

Mom walked into the kitchen at 9 a.m. There was a look of pain on her face.

I said, “What’s the matter?”

She grimaced. “My diarrhea is back with a vengeance.”

“Is there anything I can do?”

“Are you afraid to drive my car?”

I shook my head. “Of course not. But if I get pulled over, my ass is grass. I don’t have an American driver’s license.”

“This is an emergency. Go to the store and get me some Gatorade.”

“Gatorade? Does that cure diarrhea?”

“No. But it helps with the dehydration.”

“Which store?”

“The one where Nurse Ken works.”

So I climbed into her BMW and pulled out of the driveway. I made sure to follow all the relevant laws. Luckily, it only took me five minutes to get to my destination. My son was busy stocking the shelves.

He said, “What are you doing here?”

I said, “Granny is suffering from explosive diarrhea. Where do you keep the Gatorade?”

“It’s in the cooler.” He pointed to the back of the establishment.

Thankfully, the beverage was on special. I was able to purchase four medium-sized bottles for eleven dollars. As I was walking toward the cash register, a young blonde stepped in front of me. She had blue eyes and a pretty smile.

She said, “Are you Ken’s father.”

“Yes.”

“I really love Ken. He’s very polite and classy. I just wanted to let you know.”

I nodded. “Thank you.”

I left the place thinking that maybe my son has a girlfriend. Yet I’m going to keep my mouth shut. I never get involved in Nurse Ken’s personal life. It makes him feel uncomfortable. 

Killers and Sadists

(Can evil people control their behavior?)

Yesterday, I read the bible. I’m on the part where God is punishing the Egyptians with ten curses. He’s hitting them with hail and frogs and gnats and flies. He even sends a plague of boils. But the Lord continues to harden Pharoah’s heart. Consequently, the king refuses to allow the Israelites to worship in the wilderness in spite of God’s commands. Again, the question of free will is brought to the forefront. Pharoah is unwillingly playing the role of asshole. This appears to be his lot in life. For some reason, Jeffrey Dahmer keeps popping into my mind. He was a homosexual who killed and ate his victims. Perhaps he simply couldn’t control himself. After all, nobody grows up wanting to be a cannibal.

Later, I turned on Fox News. The usual talking heads showed the footage of the beating Tyre Nichols was forced to endure at the hands of the Memphis Police. Tyre was a black man, and all his assailants were black, too. Lots of people in the media are blaming Mr. Nichol’s death on systemic white supremacy. But to me, it seems like another case of black-on-black crime. African Americans kill each other at an alarming rate. It’s a huge problem, and I don’t know if the white devil has a solution. The black community has to get together to solve this sad situation.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I had a dream about being back in Connecticut at my childhood home. I was walking outside in January, and I kept on shivering. Then I looked up at the moon. It was full and bright yellow. Suddenly, I started singing Shine on You Crazy Diamond by Pink Floyd.

I woke up. It was 6 a.m., and I walked to the bathroom. After that, I sat on the throne and read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a shit. An inmate from the city of Daejeon tortured and killed one of his fellow prisoners. He was already serving a life sentence for murder, so he was subsequently given the death penalty for his latest crime. However, it’s all symbolism. Korea hasn’t put anyone to death since 1997.

My mom stepped into the kitchen at 9 a.m. We shot the crap as we sipped on coffee.

She said, “I really want you and your wife to move in with me.”

I said, “You don’t know what you’re asking for. The Dragon Lady is a loon. All the peace in your household will quickly evaporate.”

“I don’t care. I can handle it.”

“Can you? Are you sure? I mean, you’re recovering from a stroke. If I bring her here, she might give you another one.”

She shrugged. “We all gotta die sometime. At least I’ll go surrounded by the people I love.”

At noon, Mom drove me to a Chinese Buffet. I could tell that the waitress was from the Mainland. Chinese people have a certain look about them.

I said, “I lived in Beijing for nearly three years.”

She said, “I’m originally from Fujian.”

I shrugged. “I’ve never been.”

“Can you speak the language?”

I shook my head. “I’m far too stupid to learn Mandarin. It’s so difficult.”

She smiled, and I paid the bill. Then I waved goodbye.

I’m tempted to move back to my country. It wouldn’t bother me a bit if I became a Walmart boy. Hell, soon they’ll be paying nineteen dollars an hour. Collecting carts and cleaning the bathrooms would be a welcome break. I’m tired of having to use my brain all the time. 

The Nile River

 

(Does free will even exist?)

Last night, I read the bible. I’m on the part where Moses turns the Nile River into blood. However, this doesn’t persuade Pharaoh to free the Jews. Instead, he makes their lives even harder than before to show everybody who the real boss is. But here’s the strange part of the story. It’s God who hardens Pharaoh's heart. In other words, the Egyptian is compelled by the Lord to act like an asshole. Why? It helps reveal the glory of God. The bible has nothing to do with free will. The Lord is the omniscient protagonist who pulls all the strings.

Later, I turned on Fox News. The video of Paul Pelosi being struck by a hammer was released. I’m not a huge fan of the Pelosi clan. I believe that they’re a bunch of crooks. But I have to give the devil his due. Paul—in spite of his age and physical fragility--acted with a huge amount of grace under pressure. His call to 911 was downright masterful. He calmly explained his situation without upsetting his unhinged assailant. Unfortunately, the operator on the line seemed to be a bit of a dullard. She was unable to decipher his doublespeak. Paul also kept his cool when the cops showed up at the front door. The police screwed up by not shooting the lunatic when they had the chance, so Mr. Pelosi was forced to endure a vicious assault.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. and slept like the dead. Then I woke up at 6 a.m. and walked to the bathroom. After that, I read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a shit. The National Human Rights Commission of Korea wants the government to start collecting statistics on sexual minorities. They also want the psychiatric community to stop viewing transsexual individuals as mentally ill. But the-powers-that-be have refused the commission’s requests. Gays don’t have any special rights on the peninsula. For instance, they aren’t allowed to get married. Nor is their culture celebrated in the media. Consequently, most homosexuals stay in the closet.

Mom walked into the kitchen at 9 a.m. She said, “Could you clean my windows today?”

I said, “Sure. Just give me some Windex and a rag.”

“No, not on the inside. I need you to clean the outside windows. You have to use a hose and special soap.”

“OK. But it’s a tad cold right now. Can I wait until the afternoon?”

She nodded. “Of course. That’s not a problem.” Then she started scrolling through her phone. “It looks like it’s going to be chilly all day. Let’s wait until tomorrow.”

“Just give me my marching orders, and I’ll do what you like.”

Nurse Ken and Rice-Boy Larry slept all day. In fact, they didn’t get up until 3 p.m. The two brothers haven’t seen each other in three years due to COVID. Although there is a significant age gap between the boys, they really seem to enjoy each other’s company. They spend every night playing computer games together.

Ken said, “Dad, I’m taking Larry for pizza. Do you want anything?”

I said, “I could use some chicken wings.”

“What would you like to drink?”

“Root beer.”

I patted him on the back as he left to get the food. Returning to Korea is going to break my heart. But what else can I do? I have a job, an apartment, and health insurance. It would be hard to start over at my age. Yet, with that said, only God knows the future.

Lola

 

(The Kinks are one of my favorite bands.)

Last night, I read the bible. I’m on the part where God almost kills Moses for not circumcising his son, Gershom, on the eighth day as Jewish law requires. Moses’s wife, Zipporah, saves the day by chopping off the boy’s foreskin. She then touches Gershom’s testicles with the bloody piece of flesh and accepts her position as a new member of the tribe by saying, “Now you are a bridegroom of the blood to me.” In other words, Moses and his family have officially put aside their Midianite customs and accepted the true faith.

Later, I turned on Fox News. A Federal Express driver from Memphis, Tennessee was stopped by five police officers at a traffic light. They beat living hell out of this guy and sent him to the hospital. Unfortunately, the victim died in the hospital due to his injuries. In other words, he was beaten to death. His name was Tyre Nichols, and he had a wife and kids. I’ve never been a huge fan of cops. The profession seems to attract a lot of assholes. Nevertheless, society needs them to maintain law and order. With that said, I would never sass an American police officer in a million years. Why? Because it’s hard to eat corn on the cob without any teeth.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. and slept like a corpse. Then I woke up at 6 a.m. and walked to the bathroom. After that, I read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a shit. The price of gas and electricity in Korea has tripled this year. It’s a huge problem…especially for families. A lot of us don’t know how we're going to pay our bills. Some people have even set up tents in their living rooms in order to stay warm and save money.  These are the results of the green-energy madness currently ripping through the world like a crazy tornado. Freezing isn’t enough. They want us all to live in tree houses and ride to work on bikes. I kid you not.

Mom stepped into the kitchen at 9 a.m.

I said, “What’s on today’s agenda?”

She said, “I’m going to the doctor for a checkup. If you come, I’ll take you to Waffle House.”

I smiled. “Hell yes, I’m coming. Those hash browns and bacon are perfect.”

We took her BMW and struck up a conversation along the way. Mom’s not a big fan of the transsexual revolution. She thinks it’s disgusting that men are now allowed to participate in female sports.

She said, “This country is going to hell in a handbasket.”

I shrugged. “The transvestite community really doesn’t bother me. Remember that song Lola by The Kinks? I used to love that tune. I played it over and over during my youth. In fact, I’m still a huge fan of the rock band. They were my first concert back in the day. I saw them in 1984.”

“Do you think it’s fair that girls can’t earn a scholarship because some dude with nuts is taking their spot on the swim team?”

I sighed heavily. “I’m ashamed to say this, but I find that transvestites are the only thing that keeps female sports interesting. For instance, I’d love to see a dude with a huge set of tits playing in the WNBA. I’d never miss a game.”

“Well, it’s still a free country. To each their own.”

It turns out that she aced her medical exam. The doctor couldn’t find anything wrong with her. This is great news. The poor old girl had a stroke three months ago. Luckily, it looks as if she’s on the road to recovery. Praise Jesus.

Putin Is a Blasphemer

(Putin is guilty of crimes against the New World Order.)

Last night, I read the bible. I’m currently on the part where Moses strangles an Egyptian and has to flee for his life into the wilderness. A lot of people don’t know that Moses was actually a murderer. On top of that, he was a product of incest. His mother Jochebed and his father Amram were related by blood. I bring this up because many people in society feel inferior and unloved. But God often chooses leaky vessels to bring glory to his name. So don’t give up. There’s always hope when the Lord gets involved.

I switched on the TV and watched Tucker Carlson. The United States government is now sending thirty tanks to the Ukraine. The new objective is for Zelensky to reclaim the Crimean Peninsula. Anyway, that’s what the generals are saying. Yet we all know the truth. The real agenda is regime change. Putin stands in the way of the New World Order. He’s too nationalistic to survive in modern-day Europe. Plus he’s not a supporter of the homosexual and green-energy movements. In other words, he’s a dangerous blasphemer directly opposed to the religion of progressive liberalism.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. and dreamt about my dead father. He was constructing an above-ground swimming pool in the backyard and yelled at me for handing him the wrong wrench. I began crying and ran inside the house.

I woke up at six a.m. and walked to the bathroom. Then I read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a shit. There’s now a clinic in Itaewon which is giving free HIV tests to foreigners. Don’t get me wrong. Nobody is being forced to get an examination. It’s completely voluntary. About 1,000 people in 2021 contracted the virus in Korea. Most of them are gay men who engage in anal sex.

Mom walked into the kitchen at 9 a.m. She said, “Today, we’re going to Walmart.”

I said, “I need to buy a belt before I go back to Korea.”

“What? They don’t sell them in that part of the world?”

“Not for fat asses. It’s very hard for me to find clothes in Asia. Everything is geared for skinny folk.”

“How about shoes? Do you need a new pair?”

I shrugged. “I don’t think so. I only wear Crocs.”

“But it’s freezing over there.”

“Doesn’t matter. Those shoes are special. They make me feel like I’m walking on air.”

“But they look so ridiculous. Doesn’t your boss ever yell at you for being unprofessional?”

“Officially, wearing Crocs is against the rules. However, nobody has said a single word after all these years. So I’m going to keep enjoying myself until somebody reads me the riot act.”

We walked into the garage, and I pressed a button to raise the door. No problem. The whole process was very smooth. Yet, as my mother backed out into the driveway, the door suddenly started closing on its own and caught her BMW right on top of the roof. It scratched the hell out of the paint job.

I said, “What the fuck happened?”

She said, “Don’t scream. You’ll give me another stroke.”

“I’m not screaming. Did we accidentally press the wrong button? I have no idea why it began shutting on its own.”

“These things happen, son. Sometimes, technology shits the bed.”

I sighed heavily. “At least no one can see the scratches.”

She nodded. “Think nothing of it. I’ll take care of it in the future.”

It turns out that the Walmart we visited was completely out of belts. For some reason, this tore my heart right out of my chest. We could have just stayed home and done it another day. That damage to her BMW is still eating away at my liver. That’s the bad thing about possessions. Sometimes, they end up possessing you. 

The Bible Is Very Entertaining

(Even dirty atheists should read the bible.)

Last night, I read the bible. I’m at the part where Joseph tells the Egyptians that they can only have grain if they agree to sell themselves into slavery. He also takes their land, making Pharaoh wealthy beyond his imagination. It’s kind of funny in an ironic sort of way. Why? Because the next book is Exodus, and now it’s the Jews who are the slaves of the Egyptians. The bible is the most compelling work of art every produced. In fact, it’s so entertaining that even hardcore atheists would enjoy it.

I sat in the TV room and watched Tucker Carlson. A high-level FBI agent names Charles McGonigal was recently arrested for colluding with the Russians. It seems that he was friends with powerful billionaires who helped him launder lots and lots of cash. This agent also had a part in accusing Trump of being a Russian spy. And that’s the thing with psychopaths. They are master projectionists. They always point the finger at you when they are committing their crimes. Self-awareness is definitely not their strong suit.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. and had one of my recurring dreams. I was in Burger King eating a Whopper, and suddenly I stood up and defecated right on the floor in front of everybody. As you can imagine, the innocent bystanders became unhinged at my deviant behavior. In retaliation, they began pelting me with their sandwich wrappers. I have this nightmare all the time. I have no idea what it means.

I woke up at 6 a.m. and read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a shit. Lots of pampered wealthy Korean men are faking illness in order to avoid mandatory military service. For instance, a singer in a popular boy band told the-powers-that-be that he’s suffering from epilepsy. A professional volleyball player also claims to be afflicted with the same illness. Korea is like everyplace else in the world. If you come from a rich family, you don’t always have to follow the rules.

Mom came into the kitchen at 10 a.m. She said, “I’m so happy. Your niece finally found a new job.”

“That’s great. What will she be doing?”

“Paralegal work for a law firm.”

“Does it pay well?”

“Fifty-five thousand dollars a year.”

“Wonderful. Now she’ll be able to give you the money that she owes.”

My niece is in the hole for $1,500. She was living in one of my mom’s properties rent free. However, there was one stipulation. She was supposed to pay the condo fee which comes to $250 a month. Well, she hasn’t lived up to her responsibilities for sixth months. And even worse, she concealed it from my mother. Now the old lady is worried that it might affect her credit score.

I spent the rest of the afternoon glued to Netflix. I’m rewatching a documentary about Hitler’s inner circle. It’s absolutely fascinating. These guys spent their entire careers kissing Adolf’s ass, hoping that the furor would give them an occasional pat on the head. To that end, they constantly fought with each other like cats and dogs in an effort to climb the social ladder.

In contrast, I’ve never been good at sucking up to powerful men. Don't get me wrong. It’s truly a skill that will get you ahead in the world. I’m reasonably intelligent, but I’m a broke dead dick. If I knew how to score brownie points, I think I’d be driving a Mercedes by now. Yet I try not to bitch about my poverty. Things could always be worse. I’m just glad that I wasn’t born in Djibouti. 

Antifa

 

(Antifa is a fascist organization.)

Last night, I watched the Tucker Carlson show. Antifa is causing problems once again in American cities. This time, Atlanta is the target. These lily-white progressive assholes are breaking windows and setting police cars on fire. One of these criminals is the son of Massachusetts congress woman Katherine Clark. The man in question identifies as a transvestite. His name is Jared Dowell, and he’s actually quite handsome. Anyway, Jared beat up a cop—giving the officer a bloody nose and mouth. Of course, he wasn’t forced to spend a single night in jail. Are you surprised? He’s rich and privileged, so what did you expect?

I went to bed at 10 p.m. and dreamt about driving along a road that was close to the ocean. It was very pleasant. But I snapped awake at 6 a.m. because my mom’s dog, Daisy, was barking at the door. I walked to the bathroom. Then I read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a shit. Korea is experiencing a severe wave of cold weather. In fact, the temperature in Seoul is in the single digits. In contrast, west Texas has been nice lately. I wear a light jacket every day.

Mom got up at 9 a.m. and went to the kitchen. It wasn’t long before she started hacking her lungs out.

I said, “How are you feeling?”

She smiled wanly. “Better.”

“So you’re going to live?”

She nodded. “I think so.”

The poor old woman has been in rough shape for the last eight days. She’s suffering from a nasty bug. But it’s not COVID, thank the Lord. I’m actually a survivor of that nasty Chinese-manufactured bug. And trust me. It wasn’t a walk in the park. Fever. Sore throat. Persistent cough. Extreme lethargy.

I said, “Is there anything on today’s agenda?”

“I have to pick up my BMW from the shop.”

“That’s cool. It will get you out of the house.”

Rice-Boy Larry and Nurse Ken came with us. We all climbed into Ken’s Lexus. My oldest son is a speed king. Therefore, I kept yelling at him to slow down. To make matters worse, he has a tendency to tailgate. What can I say? He drives like a typical Korean.

I said, “You don’t have enough space in front of you. If he slams on his brakes, you’re going to kill us all.”

He said, “You’re making me crazy with all your bitching. Why don’t you shut the fuck up?”

Mom said, “That’s no way to talk to your father.”

He said, “Granny, if he says another word, I’m pulling over to the side of the road and making him drive.”

I said, “My license is Korean. It isn’t any good in Texas.”

He shot me the stink eye. “Then keep your trap closed.”

So I took his advice. He’s a grown man, and how he operates a motor vehicle is his own business. But if he ends up getting a ticket for his recklessness, he’ll simply have to pay the fine himself. Sadly, I’m a broke dead dick. In fact, I don’t have two nickels to rub together.

Luckily, the repairs to Mom’s car were covered by insurance. However, she had to pay a hundred-dollar deductible. The receptionist was very pleasant. She told us to have a blessed day. We waved goodbye and thanked her for the kind words.

After that, we went to Waffle House. I had the two-egg breakfast with bacon, hash browns, and dry toast. It was delicious. Overall, we had a pleasant afternoon. But I’m easily pleased. Things could always be worse. I’m just grateful that I wasn’t born in Djibouti.

The Joy of Sam's Club

 

(The bargains are fantastic.)

Yesterday, I watched Tucker Carlson in my mother’s television room. She has comfortable leather chairs that recline this way and that with the flick of a button. Mom has much more money than me. Anyway, there’s some bad stuff happening in Brazil. The people have stormed the capitol demanding transparency in their elections. American libtards are blaming President Trump and Steve Bannon for the hubbub. What’s the actual truth? Who knows? But when a population loses faith in their democracy, the shit is always going to hit the fan. This shouldn’t come as a big surprise. It’s only commonsense.

Mom said, “You ought to come back to America.”

I said, “Where would I stay? I don’t have two nickels to rub together.”

“You would live with me until you got on your feet.”

“I’d probably be stuck in a trailer park out in the desert.”

She shrugged. “What’s the big deal?”

“I don’t know. It seems like a step backwards.”

“Lots of folk live in trailer parks. Are you a snob or something?”

“No. We all have to do what we can to survive.”

Mom paused for a second. “Why don’t you just live with me?”

“How about your husband? The last thing I want to do is impose.”

“It’s not an imposition. You’d be a great help.”

“I’ll think about it.”

But there’s no way I can live with my mom at my age. The mere thought is downright humiliating. I’d rather take up residence under a bridge. Besides, South Korea isn’t that bad. I have the equivalent of a green card. Plus my job is somewhat enjoyable. Things could always be worse. At least I wasn’t born in Djibouti. Furthermore, I’ve never had to resort to eating insects in order to survive. I’m an eternal optimist. The glass is always half-full when I’m looking at it. I’m a real happy retard in that respect.

I went to bed at 1 a.m. and fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. Then I woke up at 8 a.m. and walked to the bathroom. I read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a dump. Most Korean women these days aren’t getting married until their 30s. This is a huge problem because nobody is having babies. The entire race is dying out. I shit you not. I blame it on feminism. Asian females are some of the most educated in the entire world and filled with ambition. They want to be bankers and doctors, and consequently have no time to clean the house and raise rugrats. On the peninsula, homemakers are viewed as losers. Plus it’s tough to keep a household going with a single paycheck.

Later in the day, I went to Sam’s with Mom and Rice-Boy Larry. I bought four short-sleeved collared shirts for ten bucks apiece.

I said, “This is fantastic. It would cost two or three times more than this back home.”

Mom frowned. “Korea is not your home. You’re an American, and don’t forget it.”

“You get what I’m trying to say.”

She changed the subject. “Is there anything else you want?”

“Let’s go to the bakery section.”

So we wheeled are cart to the back of the store in order to browse through the pastries. I purchased a cherry pie and twenty-four miniature cupcakes. Both the pie and the cakes were packed in clear plastic containers. They looked absolutely delicious.

Mom said, “What about your diet?”

I shrugged. “I’m only human.”

Sadly, I’ve spent most of the evening gorging on junk food. I’m so full that I can barely move. Oh well. What’s a boy to do?

Waffle House Rocks

 

(I'm surprised how good the food tastes.)

Last night, I watched Nancy Grace on Fox News. She talked about the murders in Idaho. The police have arrested a guy named Bryan Kohberger for this horrendous crime. Bryan was a student at Washington State University studying for his Ph.D. in criminology. The suspect’s family is begging the public not to jump the gun. They claim that Mr. Kohberger is a good guy who was falsely arrested. Whoever committed this deed is obviously a serial killer. Bryan looks like a normal guy. But who knows what kind of demons are lurking in his head.

I went to bed at one a.m. I was out as soon as my head rested on the pillow. There’s something about this Texas air which hits me like a brick. I find that I’m much more tired over here than I am in Korea. Anyway, I woke up at 9 a.m. and walked to the bathroom. After that, I read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a shit. A group of Russian refugees is now living at the airport in Incheon. They are young men fleeing their homeland in order to avoid combat in Ukraine. I think that Vladimir Putin is a son of a bitch. But with that said, President Zelenskyy isn’t much better. In fact, he reminds me of a corrupt little gangster. I’ll never forget when he addressed the U.S. Congress wearing a sweat suit and begging for money. It really rubbed me the wrong way.

I went into the kitchen and made myself a cup of Joe. My mother was sitting at the granite counter drinking French vanilla coffee.

She said, “Is Rice-Boy Larry still sleeping?”

I said, “No. He’s playing his computer games.”

“Is he having a good time in America?”

I shrugged. “I think so. But we haven’t really spoken about it.”

She shook her head. “He doesn’t talk much, does he?”

I sighed heavily. “That boy is more soft spoken than Gary Cooper. It worries me. I fear that he might be retarded.”

She laughed out loud. “Don’t say that.”

“Not his IQ. I’m talking more about his social skills. He’s too shy.”

“Does he have friends?”

“Tons.”

She smiled. “Well, there you go. It’s good for a teenager to have buddies.”

I changed the subject. “So what are we doing today?”

“I was going to bring you for fish and chips.”

“Fish and chips in west Texas?”

She nodded. “There’s an English couple who bought an old horse farm and turned it into a restaurant.”

I frowned. “I hate the English.”

“Lots of people hate the English. But the food is very good. They put vinegar on the fish and serve it in newspaper. It reminds me of my childhood in Glasgow.”

“Fine. Fish and chips it is.”

We took Nurse Ken’s car. My oldest son recently bought a used Lexus. It’s a beautiful automobile, but his monthly nut is 450 bucks. That seems kind of pricy for a college student. To his credit, he took an extra shift at his job in order to meet his obligations. However, he’ll have to cut down to twenty hours a week when he goes back to school. Nurse Ken currently makes 16 dollars an hour making pizzas and working the cash register.

It turns out that the restaurant was closed due to renovations. It’s now only open on the weekends until all the new construction is finished. So we went to Waffle House instead. I had the two-egg breakfast with double the hashbrowns. You can get extra hashbrowns for only 50 cents. It was delicious. Waffle House rocks.