Colonel Douglas MacGregor

 

(America is using Ukrainian blood to foment regime change.)

Yesterday, I read the bible. I’m on the part where God sends the angel of death to kill all the first-born sons of the Egyptians. He doesn’t even spare the livestock. The only way to escape this horror is by putting lamb bloods on the top and sides of your doorframe. It brings to mind the concept of limited atonement. Not everybody gets saved. In fact, according to the scriptures, most of us will be thrown into the fiery furnace of hell. Don’t get me wrong. God loves his people with all his might. But if he doesn’t know your name, then you’re pretty much screwed. That’s why I pray every night. I want to make it hard for the Lord to condemn me to a life of eternal damnation. Therefore, I’m doing my best to be his friend. Will it work? Well, let’s keep our fingers crossed.

Later, I turned on Fox News. Tucker Carlson devoted an entire segment to eggs and chickens. Hens across the country simply aren’t laying eggs. The FDA is trying to blame the sky-rocketing price of eggs on avian flu. But Tucker seems to believe it has something to do with the animals’ food. Chemicals in their vittles are blocking the natural function of nature. One of Carlson’s guests told the audience that he recently changed the chicken feed on his farm. And viola. Suddenly, he has eggs up to his arm pits.

I talked to one of my friends on Facebook.

He said, “I can’t believe that you’re not supporting the war in Europe. Your stance is unpatriotic.”

I said, “100,000 Ukrainians have been killed because of that pointless conflict.”

“Not true! Where are you getting your information.”

“I read it on Zerohedge. The author of the article was Colonel Douglas MacGregor.”

“Douglas MacGregor. That guy is a giant asshole. He’s simply trying to sell books. Jennifer Griffin ripped him a new one on Fox News.”

I sighed heavily. “How many times are you going to let the government fool you?”

“What are you talking about? Nobody’s fooling me.”

“They told us that we had to go to war in Vietnam, or we’d be fighting the communists on Main Street. Then they told us that the war in Afghanistan would be a complete success. Well, we all know how that turned out. They also said the citizens of Iraq would welcome us as heroes when we invaded their country. More bullshit.” I paused for dramatic effect. “Lucy keeps pulling the football away, but we keep on believing the crap that they're shoveling into our mouths.”

He had no reply.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. and slept like a corpse. Then I woke up at 6 a.m. and walked to the bathroom. After that, I read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a shit. 76 percent of Koreans want their nation to develop nuclear weapons. Many are afraid that Kim Jong-un might launch a surprise attack and reunify the peninsula under his dictatorship. I’ve never lost a minute of sleep over that fat little dwarf. But what do I know?

At 10 a.m., I drove my stepfather to the dentist. He has an infected tooth that is giving him an earache. The doctor says that it needs to be pulled. However, first he must be treated with antibiotics to kill all the bacteria. My stepfather also needs a new set of dentures. Yet his choppers won’t be ready for another couple of months.