Christ Is Risen

(Jesus came back from the dead, so deal with it.)

Last night, I read the bible. I’m on the part where Jesus comes back from the dead in the Gospel of Matthew. The angels tell Mary and the other Mary that Christ is no longer in the tomb. The two women are filled with joy and eventually run into Jesus later that morning while walking along the road. He says that he’s on his way to Galilee and will meet his disciples there. I’m a huge believer in the resurrection. Nevertheless, I have a problem with obedience. My flesh doesn’t always comply with the demands of the spirit. Does that mean I’m going to hell? Well, I certainly hope not. But it’s in God’s hands, and there isn’t much I can do about it.

I turned on Netflix and watched a documentary about a Turk named Mehmed. He’s the guy who conquered Constantinople in the 15^th century. A lot of people died in order to fulfill this guy’s dream. Sadly, he succeeded in the end, marking the true demise of the Roman Empire. The victory was a huge feather in the cap of Islam. As you probably know, that ancient city is now called Istanbul. I’ve never been, but I imagine it’s a shithole. Yet I'm no expert. Maybe it’s beautiful.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. and slept like the dead. Then I woke up at 5 a.m. and walked to the bathroom. I read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a shit. The police arrested a couple from Incheon for beating their 12-year-old son to death. The poor child died in the hospital from his injuries. If I were king of the world, I’d push those two assholes right off a cliff. Butt nobody pays any attention to my wise words. Regrettably, my genius is most often overlooked by this callous world. Ho hum.

I called my mother using Facebook Messenger.

I said, “I’m really thinking about moving back to America.”

She said, “What did your wife say?”

“She’s a little disappointed.”

“Why?”

“She got a glazed look in her eyes when I told her that I plan to work for Walmart or Waffle House.”

Mom laughed and laughed.

But I’m actually not joking. I saw a job at Walmart starting at 22 bucks an hour. All I would have to do is greet the customers, clean the shitters, and collect the carts. True. It’s not glamorous work. However, it would be nice to have a gig where I don’t have to think all the time. I’m getting older, and my brain needs a rest.

I walked to the living room, and said hello to Dolly the dog.

I said, “You’re the most beautiful beast in the world!”

She wagged her tail and licked my face.

I love having an animal in my apartment. That little puppy brings me hours of joy. If I go back to the States, I’m definitely bringing her with me.

The Dragon Lady shot me the stink eye. “Why you ret her rick da face? It gloss.”

I said, “It’s not gross. Dogs actually have cleaner mouths than humans.”

“You da fucken idiot. Dog vely dirty animal.”

I shrugged. Maybe she’s right. But I don’t care. We all got to die of something.