Gog and Magog

 

(Is the end finally approaching?)

Yesterday, I woke up at 5 a.m. and was crushed by this looming sense of despair. So I dragged my sorry ass out of bed and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I smoked a cigarette. Suddenly, I felt as right as rain. It’s strange how your overall mood can fluctuate over a matter of minutes.

I walked to the bathroom and took a shit. While sitting on the throne, I read the headlines on my smartphone. A Korean film called Parasite won the Oscar for best picture a few years back. Anyway, one of the lead actors has just been arrested for drug use. It’s not a good idea to smoke dope in Asia. The-powers-that-be take cannabis very seriously in this part of the world.

After that, I called my mother on Facebook Messenger.

I said, “How’s Chicken Ken doing?”

“He’s OK. He’s at work right now serving up those sandwiches and waffle fries.”

“He’s living life like a king, huh?”

She shrugged. “I wouldn’t call him a king. But he seems to be enjoying himself.”

“That’s great. I’m happy for him.”

Mom smiled at me. “How about you? How are you doing?”

“It’s really funny.” I paused for dramatic effect. “When I first wake up in the mornings, I always feel like blowing my brains out. But then I have a Marlboro and a cup of Joe, and everything becomes hunky-dory. The nicotine and the caffeine must be helping my mind cope with the daily stress of living.”

She sighed heavily. “Well, it’s a good thing that you don’t own a gun.”

We laughed and laughed.

I turned on Fox News to get the latest information about Israel. I’m a huge believer in the Apocalypse, and Israel is now surrounded by her enemies just as the bible predicts. Have Gog and Magog finally made their appearance? Will Jesus soon be riding down from the clouds on his white horse? Is it time for the king to return and claim what’s rightfully his? Well, only time will tell. Yet I’m certainly keeping my fingers crossed. It would be wonderful to witness such a glorious sight.

I cooked bacon and hash browns for Rice-Boy Larry. He sat at the kitchen table in his skivvies as he consumed the vittles.

I said, “The weather is getting frosty.”

“And?”

“You might want to put on some pajamas at night before you freeze your nuts off.”

“I’m fine.”

I changed the subject. “How’s school going?”

“It’s going OK.”

“Is that all you have to say?”

He nodded. “Pretty much.”

I find that all teenagers are a bunch of assholes. Don’t get me wrong. Larry’s a good kid. However, I miss the affectionate child of yesteryear. He used to be quite talkative back when he was younger. Plus he wasn’t full of sass. But this too shall pass. Hopefully, he’ll become more cheerful as he gets older.

I caught the bus and made it to my classroom at 7:30 a.m. My buddy Richard Hurtz was already in his office.

He said, “Did you go to your bible study last night?”

“Sure. I never miss.”

“Still waiting for the Apocalypse, huh?”

“You betcha.”

“What a load of crap.” He started laughing but then broke down into a fit of violent coughing.

I said, “That’s what you get for mocking God.”

He laughed and coughed even harder.

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