Rolls Royce

 

(Rolls Royce makes a beautiful SUV.)

Last night, I went downtown with Rice-Boy Larry. We walked to the Rolls-Royce dealership and looked at the automobiles through the showroom glass. Did you assholes know that Rolls Royce now makes an SUV? You should get a gander at this beast. It’s absolutely beautiful.

Larry said, “How much do you think it costs?”

I shrugged. “If you have to ask, you can’t afford it.”

“I’ll never own a fantastic car like that.”

I shrugged again. “Who knows the future? Ten years from now, it could be you tooling down these busy streets and tooting your horn at the beautiful ladies. Dare to dream, right?”

“There’s a Porsche dealership right across the road. You want to have a look?”

I shook my head. “Not really. It would be too much of a letdown. Nothing beats a Rolls.”

Our next destination was Dominos Pizza. I ordered two pepperoni pizzas. One with cheese and one without cheese. I’m lactose intolerant, and dairy products fuck me up royally. But the pie actually tasted great with only the sauce and meat.

While we were chomping on our vittles, one of my co-workers stepped into the restaurant. Her name is Viv, and she’s young and beautiful. She also has a smoking-hot body. Viv is currently dating a fancy man. He’s from Italy, and he looks wonderful in a suit.

We started talking about movies, and the topic turned to a film called Hereditary.

I said, “Hereditary is one of the best pictures in the history of cinema.”

Viv shot me the stink eye. “Now why would you even say that? It’s pure trash.”

“Have you seen it?”

“Not really. But I’ve viewed many clips on YouTube. I know how it ends.”

“You should really give it a try. It deserves your attention.”

“Tell me why I should waste my time.”

I sighed heavily and rubbed my fingers through my hair. “First of all, the performance by Toni Collette is legendary. I’ve never seen anything like it in my entire life. She comes across as the craziest bitch in the world. Secondly, the experience is akin to being slowly boiled in oil. By the end, you will be on the verge of a nervous breakdown.”

“Well, the subject matter simply isn’t my cup of tea. And I don’t take pleasure in torture.”

Her fancy man added his two cents. “I’ve seen it many times. I love it almost as much as you.”

Viv punched him on the arm, and he laughed out loud. Then they collected their food and walked out the door. In Korea, most of the patrons at Dominos never actually eat the food in the restaurant. They always take it home.

Larry and I eventually got back to our apartment at midnight. I went to my room for a quick wank, and I fell asleep immediately after enjoying myself. I had no dreams.

I woke up at 8 a.m. and called my mother using Facebook Messenger. However, she never answered the phone. Right away, my imagination created all kinds of crazy scenarios. I pictured her in stone-cold dead in the rose bushes from another stroke.

Well, thankfully Mom’s still alive. In fact, she called me back at 10 a.m. as I was taking a shit. Needless to say, we didn’t have much of a conversation. We exchanged a few pleasantries before finally saying goodbye.

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