Education in Asia

(Asians place a huge value on education.)

I woke up this morning at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the headlines on my smartphone while trying to take a nasty shit. Unfortunately, I was constipated, and the best I could do was release a couple of nasty farts as I sat forlornly on the toilet seat. 

The story that caught my interest focused on a couple of sisters from a town called Cheonon. They were from a poor family, and when they were little girls, they couldn't afford after-school education. That's a big deal here on the peninsula. All the kids attend private cram schools in the evenings to improve their English and Math skills. 

Anyway, the siblings were nine and ten years old at the time, and they managed to find a teacher who agreed to instruct them for free. But here's the problem. This dirty old man began molesting them over the period of an entire decade. These ladies are now adults, and they finally mustered the courage to report him to the authorities about a year ago. Consequently, the old geezer will spend the next two decades in prison for his crime.

I decided to skip breakfast due to my stomach problems. Then the Dragon Lady walked into my room and brought me some medicine to help me take a dump.

I said, "Thank you."

She responded with the silent treatment.

I said, "What time did Rice-Boy Larry go to bed last night?"

More silence.

Larry is currently enjoying his summer vacation. So now he stays up until the early morning hours playing his computer games. I know this is unhealthy behavior for a boy his age, but I'm too tired to argue. He was an unplanned child, and my wife and I were both a couple of oldsters when he was finally born. Yet I have no regrets. My children are a true blessing from God.

I said, "Do you remember Trudy?"

No response.

"I had a dream about her last night."

She shot me the stink eye and walked away.

Trudy and her husband were a couple I used to know several years ago when I had been working in China. They were unofficial members of the quiver-full movement. The people who belong to this group refuse to use birth control in the hopes that Christians will some day take over the world. The last I heard, Trudy was up to ten rugrats and counting. My sources tell me that she's pregnant again, so number eleven is right around the corner.

I recently had a nightmare about her. I was running down an alley in Beijing trying to catch her as she strutted her way down the street. I was holding a baby carriage in my arms. I have no idea why I was carrying the damn thing. It had wheels. 

Anyway, Trudy turned to face me.

I was completely out of breath and panting like an exhausted dog. 

"My wife wanted me to give this to you. She thinks that you might need it."

She became angry. "I don't want the damn thing. All my children are dead."

After that, her husband appeared. He pushed me in the chest with both his huge hands.

"Leave us alone, asshole." He pointed at me with his index finger. "You're not our friend."

Needless to say, I felt like a piece of dung. The entire dream was a real downer. But that's no big surprise. My slumbers are seldom pleasant. Sometimes, I wake up feeling more exhausted than when I went to bed.

Oh well. Nobody told me that life is supposed to be easy. You just got to keep running the race until the end. Anyway, that's what the Apostle Paul says in his epistles. So I'm simply going to take him at his word. 

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