The Green Agenda

 

(Next year, I'll be forced to take the bus.)

Yesterday, I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a nasty shit. A man in his 30s lived with his father in the city of Anyang. Like me, this guy is an avid writer and keeps a daily diary describing his life. Anyway, his dad found his son’s scribblings and threw them right in the garbage. Well, needless to say, Junior went completely nuts. He picked up a knife and stabbed the old man to death as he slumbered on the sofa. The perpetrator of this crime told the police that he has an anger problem. Yeah? You don’t say.

I ate hash browns for breakfast as I surfed the internet. Tucker Carlson released a ten-minute video on Twitter which has garnered more than 30 million views so far. In it, Tucker compares Zelensky to an angry violent rat capable of unspeakable acts such as murder and the massive theft of foreign aid. Mr. Carlson also tells his audience that the existence of extraterrestrial life has now been proven beyond a doubt. In other words, we are not alone. My favorite pastor, Charles Lawson, believes that these men from outer space are actually demons. But I don’t have an opinion one way or another.

I called my mother using Facebook Messenger.

I said, “The South Korean government is confiscating my SUV in another year.”

She said, “What?”

I shrugged. “My wife took it in for the required inspection, and that’s what the mechanic told her.”

“Why are they taking your car? There’s got to be a reason.”

“It was made way back in 2009. Plus it’s a diesel. The government doesn’t like that. The peninsula has really bought in to the entire Green agenda.”

“Are you sure that your wife isn’t pulling your leg? That doesn’t even sound legal.”

I sighed heavily. “I’m not sure of anything. My mind is perpetually clouded by a thick fog. But I will say this. Korea isn’t nearly as democratic as the USA. And the government still wields a tremendous amount of power in this neck of the woods. So if Big Brother wants my car, then he’s going to take it no matter what I say or do.”

“Wow. That sucks.”

“Tell me about it. I guess I’ll have to take the bus starting in 2024.”

“At least you’ll be able to save on the cost of insurance.”

I nodded and smiled. “That’s one way of looking at it.”

I drove to work with Rice-Boy Larry in the passenger seat of my soon-to-be defunct automobile. The boy never said a word. He’s a real zombie in the morning. I got to my room at 8 a.m. and quickly graded a vocabulary test that I had nearly forgotten about. The kids did very well. I teach children who are very smart. One day, they’ll be calling the shots.

During my downtime, I watched the game between Chicago and New York. The White Sox won by a single run. But that wasn’t the real story. A thick cloud of smoke completely engulfed Yankee stadium by the seventh inning. It turns out that there’s a huge forest fire in Canada which is causing massive pollution throughout the east coast of America. Go figure.

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