Family Stress

 

(Mom is upset because her grandson is a dullard.)

Yesterday, I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a nasty shit. There’s a bar in Seoul called The Rabbit Hole Arcade Pub. You can go there and watch transvestites shake their asses as you sip on cocktails. The owner of the establishment is a queer Korean. He says that conservative Christians have never bothered him or his customers since day one. He’s free to do what he wants as long as it is within the boundaries of the law. And this man is the type of homosexual that I like. He minds his own business, and he doesn’t wave his cock in the faces of innocent children. If the citizens of Sodom and Gomorrah had shown the same kind of good manners and restraint, then God would have spared these ancient cities. Bully for him.

I ate hash browns for breakfast and surfed the internet. The big story in America involves affirmative action. The Supreme Court has ruled that Asians are getting fucked royally when it comes to university admissions. The justices now claim that race can no longer play a factor in keeping people out of prestigious schools like Harvard. Most of the mainstream media is trying to turn this into a black vs. white issue. But nothing could be further from this truth. This helps the yellow man achieve all his academic dreams. Look out Stanford! Mr. Yoo and Ms. Kim are on their way to town.

I called my mother using Facebook Messenger.

She said, “Ken’s damn cats keep pissing on my sofa.”

I said, “I thought they used a litterbox.”

“Normally, they do. I have no idea why they’re acting like this.”

“Have you cleaned it recently?”

“Cleaned what?”

“The litterbox.”

She smiled. “I haven’t even checked. But I bet you’re right. That’s supposed to be your son’s job.”

“Is my boy giving you a hard time?”

Mom paused for a moment. “He’s decided that he doesn’t want to be a nurse anymore.”

“What happened?”

She shrugged. “I couldn’t tell you.”

“So does he have any future plans?”

“Not that I know of.”

“Well, he could switch his major to education and come to Korea. Lots of places will hire him. But he’ll have to do 18 months of mandatory military service.”

“He wants nothing to do with Korea.”

I sighed heavily. “Maybe there’s a bright side to his change of plans. He has an associate’s degree, and that might be good enough.”

“I can’t believe you’re saying that. He needs to finish his education.”

“But it is finished…in a sense. He has a piece of paper claiming that he’s educated beyond high school. This might get him through a few doors in the future.”

“I just don’t see it that way.”

I smiled at her. “Higher education is a huge rip off. It’s necessary if you are going to be an engineer or a doctor. But getting a degree in political science or English is pretty much worthless.”

“What’s he going to do with his life?”

I pointed my finger in her face. “The world is his oyster. He’s young and healthy and somewhat educated. Do you know what a district manager at Waffle House makes including his commission and other perks?”

She frowned. “I haven’t the foggiest?”

“Over a hundred grand a year. That’s good fucking money.”

“You can get that gig with two years of college?”

“Not right away. But if he shows up to work on time with a positive attitude, then the sky’s the limit. I envy him. Don’t be such a Debbie Downer.”

And what I’m saying is the gospel truth. There’s more than one way to skin a cat. Plus worldly success isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. It certainly won’t get you into the Kingdom of heaven.

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