Sentimental Crap

 

(I have an uneasy relationship with O. Henry.)

Yesterday, I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a shit. The entire Korean peninsula is currently covered with a film of yellow dust. I kid you not. It happens every year during the spring. The wind picks up pieces of the Gobi Desert in northern China and deposits them unceremoniously upon my poor adopted nation. Unfortunately, this Chinese gunk also mixes with the pollen from the pine trees. As you can imagine, it wreaks havoc on those with allergies.

I ate hash browns as I watched Fox News. A 21-year-old kid from Massachusetts named Jack Teixeira was arrested by the Justice Department on the charge of espionage. Jack stole top-secret documents from the military and uploaded them onto an internet platform called Discord. For this crime, he’s going to spend a great deal of time behind bars. But I consider him more of a whistleblower than an actual criminal. For instance, thanks to Jack, we now know that the war in Ukraine is a complete disaster for Zelinsky and his crew. Which came as a big shock to me. Why? Because the usual suspects in the media keep telling us that Russia is doomed. The lies never stop.

I went to Amazon to see if anybody purchased my book. Sadly, I didn’t make any new sales. Yet somebody did leave a review about the novel. It wasn’t very good. He gave the tome one out of five stars. You can read what he said by clicking here. Don’t get me wrong. I feel nothing but love for the guy. I’m a big boy, and I can handle the truth. In fact, I would like to see more comments in the future. It’s great for juicing the search engines.

I talked to Nurse Ken using KakaoTalk.

I said, “You never answer the phone anymore.”

He said, “That’s because something is wrong with the ringer. It doesn’t seem to work with the KakaoTalk application.”

“Can you switch over to Facebook?”

“I don’t like Mark Zuckerberg.”

“Screw Mark Zuckerberg. It’s not about him. I need a way to contact you in case of emergencies.”

“You can do it through Granny.”

I tried my best to contain my anger. “Listen, shithead, that’s not good enough. Make a fake Facebook account using a phony name. We have to establish a communication route.”

“OK, don’t get your panties in a bunch. No need for name calling. I’ll make a dummy account.”

“Can you do it today?”

“I’ll try.”

I changed the subject. I wanted to end the conversation on a positive note.

I said, “Do you have any plans?”

“I’m taking Granny for a birthday dinner.”

“What are you having?”

“Probably fish and chips.”

“Is it expensive?”

He shrugged. “I’m not sure. She’s paying.”

“Really? You’re making the poor woman pay for her own birthday meal?”

“I’m kind of broke right now. I’ll catch her the next time.”

My day at work went well. I finally finished The Gift of the Magi with the high schoolers. That story always gets to me. I hate the way that O. Henry screws with my emotions. He does the same damn thing in his famous tale The Last Leaf. I’ve actually shed tears over that stupid story. Even though he’s a sentimental asshole, I have to admit that his writing can be powerful at times.

(Did you like this post? Then read my novel for free. Click here.)