Seoul Has A Lot of Stray Cats

 

(This cat gets to eat due to the kindness of strangers.)

I woke up this morning at 10 a.m. and walked to the bathroom. Then I read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a shit. Seoul has 90,000 stray cats that help control the rat population. Kind-hearted animal lovers go to various parks around the city to give them food and fresh water. However, many citizens feel that these creatures are nothing more than a nuisance. They are tired of the noise and the poop near their apartments. I like cats. They are both clean and intelligent. Sadly, my wife is allergic to their fur which prevents me from owning one.

After wiping my nasty ass, I hopped into the shower. I listened to a sermon by John MacArthur on the subject of evil as I washed my flesh. I’m a Calvinist, so I don’t believe that I have the strength to resist sin on my own. I rely daily on the power of the Holy Spirit to keep me right side up. I also believe that Satan has to act within the parameters set by his creator. The devil is currently very much in control of the world and its systems. However, that’s only because it’s God’s will. Things will change when Christ returns, and I often pray that I’m alive to see it. But it’s in the Lord’s hands.

I stepped into the living room and smiled at my wife.

I said, “Merry Christmas!”

She frowned. “You go chawch today?”

“Of course I’m going to church.”

“But it Chlistmas.”

I shrugged. “Church is the perfect place to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ.”

“I warning you. Eet steel cawd outside. Maybe eet soon snowing again.”

“Well, it’s winter. It’s supposed to be cold.”

I turned on Fox News expecting to find Dan Bongino. But he had been replaced by a bullshit program called the West Point Holiday Show. It featured soldiers singing holiday tunes. I felt a tad frustrated. I don’t tune into Fox for that kind of frivolous crap. If Bongino wants to stay home with his wife and children, I get it. However, why not find a replacement? Lots of good people would jump at the chance for such a choice timeslot.

Later in the afternoon, I drove to church with Rice-Boy Larry. We struck up a conversation along the way.

I said, “How are you enjoying Christmas so far?”

He said, “I didn’t get any presents.”

“That’s not true. You’re flying out to America on Wednesday. Plus I put 200 genuine American dollars into your wallet.”

“But giving somebody money is heartless. It requires no thought.”

I sighed heavily. “Son, you’re fifteen years old. I have no idea what an Asian kid your age wants Santa to bring him.”

“What does race have to do with it?”

“Well, all you Korean boys love computer games, right?”

He nodded. “That’s true.”

“I’m fifty-four years old. I wouldn’t know a good computer game if it bit me right on the ass. So money is actually the best gift possible. You can use the cash to buy the stuff of your dreams. Isn’t that magnificent?”

“I guess.”

The sermon was pretty good. We are still studying Isaiah. Did you know that the prophet was cut in half by King Manasseh with a wooden saw? Well, now you do. It’s a warning to all of us. Being a child of God isn’t a Sunday picnic, and bad shit can happen when you speak truth to power. I shit you not.