Drones Over Seoul

(Several North Korean drones invaded Seoul's airspace today.)

I woke up this morning at 8 a.m. and walked to the bathroom. Then I read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a shit. North Korea sent several unmanned drones into the city of Seoul. As you can imagine, everybody went nuts. No one was sure if these things were armed with explosives or poison. Luckily, it turned out that the drones were harmless. Kim Jong-un and his crazy sister were simply playing mind games with their cousins to the south.

I went to the living room and turned on Fox News. The FBI and Twitter got together to suppress content that was unflattering to senile Joe Biden. The conservative talking heads were so upset that they were almost in tears. But I have no idea why they are so surprised. The FBI has been dirty since its birth. The first director was named J. Edgar Hoover. He was a twisted homosexual drag queen who would gather sexual information on important people in order to blackmail them. Make no mistake. The men at the Bureau aren’t your friends. In fact, they’re nothing more than a necessary evil. Our country needs law enforcement, so what are you going to do?

I called my mother using Facebook Messenger.

She said, “Are you still on your diet?”

I nodded. “I sure am.”

“How many raw eggs do you eat a day?”

“Twelve. But I don’t actually eat them. It’s more like I drink them.”

“Eggs are expensive in America. I pay thirteen dollars for thirty.”

I shook my head. “Sometimes, I just want to jump out the fucking window.”

“Why?”

“I can’t afford to live. Everything’s too expensive. If prices keep going up, I’ll be living under a bridge before all is said and done.”

“Well, you’ll always have a place to stay as long as I’m alive.”

Please don’t misunderstand my words. I’m not suicidal by any means. In fact, I’m usually joyful—despite the fact that I’m both ugly and stupid. It’s just that I often get frustrated. I’ve been working since the age of 12, and I still don’t have a pot to piss in. I must be doing something wrong. Anyway, I try to look on the bright side of life. Things could always be a lot worse. At least I wasn’t born in Djibouti.

I made myself a cup of coffee and sat on the sofa.

The Dragon Lady said, “I go to runchee today with Rarry.”

“Sounds good. What’s the name of the restaurant?”

“Ashrey.”

“I hate that place.”

“You not have to worly. I not invite you.”

“Good. I wouldn’t have gone if you had.”

Ashley’s is a popular restaurant in Asia which has a Gone with the Wind motif. In fact, Ashley was the character whom Scarlett loved the most. He was married to Melanie. It’s a great film. Check it out if you haven’t seen it. But the eatery itself is a disgrace. It’s an overpriced buffet which features lame dishes such as crab-fried rice and soggy fried chicken. But the Koreans love it. The place is always packed. And the price? Twenty dollars per person.

After my wife left, I watched football on my flatscreen television. The Dolphins lost to the Packers in an exciting game. It looked like Miami was going to walk away with the victory, but Tua threw three interceptions on three consecutive drives. It was by far his worst performance of the season.