Human Tragedy in Itaewon

(Itaewon is famous for parties and booze.)

I woke up this morning at 7 a.m. and walked to the bathroom. Then I read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a dump. There’s a famous section of Seoul called Itaewon. It’s filled with bars and merrymaking, and was once a hub for global prostitution. Anyway, 158 people were killed in this section of the city back on Halloween. They were crushed by a human stampede when a street carnival got out of hand. Now the-powers-that-be have just arrested two police officers for their supposed lack of action during that horrible night. Every tragedy needs a fall guy, and these two gentlemen are shit out of luck. I definitely see prison in their future.

I called my mother using Facebook Messenger.

She said, “Soon, you’ll be in America. You must be excited.”

I smiled. “I’m actually nervous if you want to know the truth.”

“Why?”

“I think I’m crazy. I’ve always been the king of anxiety.”

“Your ass hurts. There’s nothing wrong with your mind.”

I sighed heavily. “Have you ever seen that show Lost?”

She shook her head. “No. But the name sounds familiar.”

“Well, these idiots are trapped on a mysterious island, and some of them believe that they have to punch a five-digit number into a computer every hour to prevent a catastrophe. If they fail to do so, they fear that they might be blown to smithereens.”

“And your point?”

“That’s me. I always see terrible problems lurking in the nooks and crannies of my life.”

“Nobody gets out alive, son.”

“Ain’t that the truth.”

I turned on Fox News and watched the Tucker Carlson Show. A woman was arrested in Birmingham, England, for praying silently in front of an abortion clinic. The whole incident was captured on video tape. The arresting officer demanded to know her thoughts as she talked to God in her head. After refusing to comply, she was taken to the station and booked for intimidation. Yes, the world that crazy. Child sacrifice is now seen as a religious event, and anyone who disagrees with dismembering unborn babies is thrown in jail for blaspheming the demons who rule this planet.

Jesus, please come back as soon as possible and send these satanic assholes to where they belong. I’m begging you. With that said, your will be done, not mine.

Later in the afternoon, I went to a hotel and enjoyed a buffet with my co-workers. The restaurant was fantastic. Its ceiling was twenty-feet high, and there was a big glass chandelier hanging over our table. I was afraid that it might snap from its chain and crush us all. My mind works that way. I never look on the bright side of life.

I’m still on my diet, so I avoided the meat and pastries. Instead, I focused on the sushi. I ate three plates of raw shrimp and fish.

Tommy looked at me and pointed at the food on my plate. “Do you like that kind of stuff?”

I shrugged. “What can I do? I’m a giant fat ass, and I have to lose weight.”

“Why don’t you get yourself a Coke. Once can won’t kill you.”

So I went ahead and indulged. I smiled like the Cheshire Cat as soon as the liquid hit my tastebuds.

I said, “That tastes wonderful. I haven’t had soda in more than a month. I forgot how good it is.”

I eventually got home at 6 p.m. I switched on Netflix and viewed a film called Scarface. It stars Al Pacino as a gangster from Cuba. The movie is tons of fun. It comes with my highest recommendation.