Crazy Planet

(Satan is the prince of this world.)

Yesterday, I got home at 6 p.m. and enjoyed a quick smoke. Then I soon noticed that Rice-Boy Larry was nowhere to be found. So I gave him a call using my ancient smartphone.

I said, “What are you up to?”

“I’m at a PC room with my friends.”

“Do you want me to make you dinner?”

“Yes, I’m about to run to the house in a couple of minutes.”

“You don’t need to run. Just take your time.”

“But I’m trying to keep in shape.”

“OK. Do as you will.”

Rice-Boy’s big goal in life is to one day finish a marathon. Why? I have no fucking idea. Yet my kid is always jogging from here to there. And I have to tell you motherfuckers the truth. When it comes to exercise, he has a great deal of stamina. The kid never seems to get tired out. I call him three-lung Larry.

I threw twelve Chinese dumplings into the air fryer and served them to my boy with two apples for dessert. I’m trying to make sure that we’re both eating enough fruit and vegetables.

After his arrival, he told me some news about the Dragon Lady.

“Mom texted me today.”

My heart fell to my feet. “What does she want?”

“She’s coming to visit me on Monday, and she’s planning on spending the night.”

I sighed heavily. “Wow. That sucks.”

“Should I tell her to get a motel?”

I shook my head. “I don’t think it would be legal. We’re still a couple in the eyes of law.”

It’s tough to dissolve a marriage here in South Korea. No-fault divorces don’t exist on the peninsula, so both parties have to agree to part ways before the union is considered kaput in the eyes of Big Brother. If there is no meeting of the minds, then the aggrieved party must hire a lawyer in order to prove beyond a doubt that he’s suffered terrible injuries due to his spouse’s abuse. The threshold is extremely high.

I sat on the sofa and watched Fox News. A sixth-grade girl went on a field trip, and the school administrators asked her to share a bed with a boy who identifies as a female. The parents are now suing the district for monetary damages. They are asking for millions and millions of dollars.

Then I switched the channel to Netflix and viewed several episodes of the Australian prison drama Wentworth. One of the guards is currently going crazy because he buried the former warden alive in the woods. Wentworth is truly a hidden gem. It’s a glorious X-rated soap opera filled with sex and violence. It comes with my highest recommendation.

I eventually walked to my bedroom at 9 p.m. and enjoyed a quick wank before sleeping like the dead. The alarm sounded at 5 a.m., and I drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a nasty shit.

A 41-year-old Korean woman was sentenced to thirteen years in prison for forcing her co-worker into prostitution. Over the course of thirty-six months, this lady made close to half a million dollars by turning her acquaintance into a sex slave. And here’s the kicker. The victim’s husband was also found guilty of aiding and abetting in the crime. He was handed a six-year sentence for his bad behavior.

Yet I didn’t find the story the least bit shocking. After all, Satan is the prince of this fallen world, so good luck trying to smell the roses on this crazy planet.

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