Time Flies

 

(My stepfather is an old man.)

Yesterday, I woke up at 5 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a nasty shit. The little fat man in charge of North Korea is named Kim Jong-un. And make no mistake. He’s a complete psychopathic son of a bitch. Anyway, this twisted dwarf is throwing his support toward Palestine—which shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone. Diabolical assholes always gravitate toward evil. My final analysis? Kim Jong-un can go take a flying fuck at a rolling donut. Fuck him and fuck the horse he rode in on.

I called my mother using Facebook Messenger.

I said, “How are things in Texas?”

She said, “Not so good.”

“Why? What’s the matter?”

“Your Mexican stepfather might be at death’s door.”

“Holy crap. Is he all right?”

“Of course he’s not all right. I already told you that the Grim Reaper is coming for him.”

“Well, how do you know?”

She shrugged and took a sip of water. “Last night, he was so exhausted that he couldn’t hold his head up. I had to drag him to his bed. Then I made him toast and tea. He said, ‘Honey, I think the end is coming soon.’ After that, he rolled over and went to sleep.”

I smiled at her. “He isn’t dying. He’s simply worn out. It happens to the best of us.”

She wagged her finger in my face. “Son, the man is 85 years old. If he says he’s dying, then he’s dying. Trust me on this.”

“But his mother lived until she was a hundred years old. Plus his mind is still as sharp as a tack.”

“That’s true. Yet his mother never had bypass surgery.” She paused for dramatic effect. “The years have a way of creeping up on you, Jack. They pass by so quickly.”

I let out a heavy sigh. “Try not to worry. If he dies, I’ll be on the next plane. Then me and my boys will do our best to support you emotionally and financially.”

“What is your heart telling you?”

“Honestly, I’d love to come back to America as soon as possible. However, I think it would be better to let Rice-Boy finish high school before returning. Plus I’d be able put some scratch in the bank. But I’m not going to let you sit in Texas alone.”

She nodded. “Anyway, his ex-wife and his son are coming to visit next week just to be safe. They want to say one final adios before he embarks on his journey.”

“Well, that certainly makes sense. However, I feel in my gut that there is still some tread left on his tire. I wouldn’t bury the old guy just yet. But what do I know?”

Later that morning, I caught the bus to school. My day at work went OK. I’m currently reading a Ray Bradbury story with my middle schoolers. It’s a tale that’s supposed to serve as a metaphor describing the Cold War. Bradbury has been dead a long time, and the Cold War is over. Things change at the speed of light.

I eventually got home at 6 p.m. I walked across the street and bought donuts and duct tape. Then it was time to clean two loads of laundry. What I really wanted to do was watch porno, but I was simply too busy. Perhaps I’ll be able to find the time tonight. I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

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