The Return of the King

(Is Christ finally coming back?)

Yesterday, I woke up at 5 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a nasty shit. Korea is facing the season’s first cold snap. In fact, nighttime temperatures are now below the freezing point in many parts of Seoul. To be honest, I haven’t used heat since the Dragon Lady left. I live in a high-rise apartment, and my home feels quite comfortable as long as I shut the doors on the veranda.

I cooked bacon and hash browns for Rice-Boy Larry. He sat at the kitchen table as he ate his vittles.

I said, “How are you feeling.”

He shrugged his shoulders in a forlorn manner. “I’m still sick as a dog.”

“Do you need another day off school?”

“I wouldn’t say I need it. But I would definitely prefer it.”

I nodded sympathetically. “OK. Your wish is my command. Spend your time relaxing in bed.”

Larry is a self-motivated hard worker. So I often trust him to do what is right when it comes to his academic future. Chicken Ken, on the other hand, is more like me. You can’t believe a word that comes out of his mouth when it comes to studying. He would often play sick back in the day in order to avoid homework and quizzes.

Later that morning, I caught the bus to go to work. The driver was a real maniac. He kept barreling through yellow lights like it was going out of style. Sometimes, I get the urge to report these angry lunatics to the proper authority. But then the feeling quickly passes. I’m a stranger in a strange land, and the last thing I want to do is make waves in a foreign society.

I eventually arrived at 7:30 a.m. and called my mother using Facebook Messenger.

I said, “How’s your Mexican husband doing?”

“He’s much better. His doctor has him on strong antibiotics. There’s something wrong with his lungs.”

“Well, that’s great news. For a while, I thought he was dying.”

“So did I. But he’s 85 and I’m 76. And this thing called life doesn’t last forever.”

“That’s true, but don’t jump into your grave just yet. Your dad made it until he was 88, and your Mexican husband’s mother lasted until she was 99. Maybe you got some tread left on those tires.”

“Perhaps you’re right.”

I changed the subject to a happier topic. “I’ve been watching this shitstorm in Israel, and biblical prophecy is coming to fruition right before my eyes.”

She sighed heavily. “I hope this isn’t another lecture on the return of Christ.”

“Don’t be too shocked if it happens. Any day now, I’m expecting angry Muslims to make a pilgrimage to Gaza to enter the fray. And when that happens, the crap will really hit the fan. All hell’s gonna break loose.”

Mom sighed again. “I can’t be bothered with all that religious stuff. But I’m telling you this not for the first time. Wishing for war is a sin. A terrible sin. And if this thing expands, it might just get your boys killed. Graveyards are filled with young American men who got their nuts shot off over nothing.”

Needless to say, I will continue to wait for the return of the king. However, maybe the old gal has a valid point. After all, who died and made me boss?

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