Reunited

 

(Chicken Ken is becoming tired.)

Yesterday, I woke up at 5 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a nasty shit. Many high school dropouts in South Korea are starting vlogs on YouTube. Some of the videos even got nine million views from fans around the peninsula. But here’s a fact that blows my mind. Only one percent of students in this nation actually drop out of school. Amazing, isn’t it? When I was a teacher back in the States, nearly half the students threw in the towel before getting their diploma.

I made bacon and hash browns for Rice-Boy Larry. I buy all my groceries over the internet using a company called Coupang. I often get great deals.

I looked at my boy. “Do you have any tests today?”

He nodded. “Biology and English.”

“Did you study?”

He nodded again. “Of course I studied. My biology teacher is a maniac. I’d fail the course if I didn’t hit the books.”

“It’s that tough?”

“Killer.”

“Well, do the best you can, and put your faith in God.”

“I wish that life were that easy.”

Speaking of God…My favorite pastor is a geezer named Charles Lawson. I watch him religiously via YouTube. And he never fails to make me feel better about my situation in life. Anyway, Lawson is having some real problems these days. It seems that the deacons in his church have been breaking his balls, and now half the members have gotten up and left his congregation. So I’m sending my prayers his way.

Later that morning, I caught the bus to work. Once again, the driver was a complete lunatic. In fact, he was even driving eighty in a thirty-kilometer zone. The daily commute is always harrowing. When I finally exited the vehicle, he closed the doors on my arm. Luckily, he noticed his mistake before dragging me to the next stop. That’s how you die in Korea. Traffic accidents.

I got to my office at 7:30 a.m. and called my mother using Facebook Messenger.

She said, “I’m really worried about Chicken Ken.”

“Why? What’s going on with him?”

“He’s so exhausted that he’s becoming very grouchy these days.”

“Well, he works forty hours a week. Plus he has a full load of college courses. I suppose it ain’t easy.”

She took a long sip of cola. “I told him to quit his gig at Chick-Fil-A. It’s simply not worth his sanity. They load him with too many responsibilities.”

“I agree completely. No point in wearing himself thin. He should only work three days a week. Tops.”

“I was thinking about a gas station. We’ve got plenty of those close to home.”

“Sounds like a solid plan. Work the cash register and steal the cigarettes when the manager isn’t looking. It’s certainly better than slaving your life away in Djibouti.”

After speaking with Mom, I sent my son a few messages over Discord. Discord is his favorite app. I told him that he should think about coming to Korea after finishing his bachelor’s degree. The pay is mediocre, and the driving is completely fucking nuts. Yet there isn’t the same level of stress that one must deal with in America. Plus the health insurance is great.

There are a couple of other benefits, too. Chicken Ken is a Korean citizen, so he’ll have no problem with any annoying paperwork. And more importantly, his crazy mother has flown the coop. Therefore, he can live with me and Larry, and we can all be a family again. Dare to dream, right?

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