Hells Angels

 

(Try to be a child of the light.)

On Saturday, I watched a documentary on Netflix. It was about a German student who moved to America in the 80s in order to go to college. Unfortunately, he hooked up with a rich girl who hated her parents, and they got together and slaughtered her mom and dad like they were butchering hogs. The authorities eventually let the deranged couple out of prison after a 33-year sentence. I found both of them to be quite disgusting. In my opinion, they should die behind bars due to the brutality of their crime. But what do I know?

I took Rice-Boy Larry to the chicken house for dinner. We ordered a platter of fried bird and a pitcher of beer. I go to the same restaurant week after week. I’m a man who is a slave to rituals. The sky will fall if I don’t cross the i’s and dot the t’s. I probably need to see a psychiatrist.

We struck up a conversation as we merrily ate our vittles.

I said, “I don’t like your sleep schedule. You should go to bed at 11 every night and wake up at 6 on the dot. This will keep you healthy, wealthy, and wise.”

“But my grades will go down.”

I shrugged. “There’s more to life than grades.”

“Not in Asia.”

I sighed heavily. “I used to have problems sleeping back in the day. So I would spend my nights going to dive bars and getting drunk. I met a real cast of characters. One of my buddies was a Hells Angel. He got married to a bisexual prostitute named Angel. Angel ended up torturing and killing one of her clients. She even stuck a hot curling iron up his ass before stabbing the poor prick to death. She’s now serving a life sentence for her crime.”

"Was she pretty?"

"Who?"

"The bisexual hooker?"

I shook my head from side to side. "Quite the opposite. In fact, she was cursed with a face that even a mother couldn't love."

“Wow. That’s quite the story. Does it have a point?”

I thought about his question for a moment or two. “Well, the first thing we can deduce is that the Hells Angels Motorcycle Club isn’t exactly comprised of Boy Scouts. No surprise there, right? Secondly, it’s probably not a good idea to marry a bisexual hooker. Again, this is common sense. But last, and most importantly, try to avoid the darkness at all costs. Children of the night are generally a miserable lot. As the Lord says, we should always strive to be children of the light. And God is never wrong.”

“Why would you even hang out with a Hells Angel?”

“He was actually a nice guy. Very emotional. He’d always cry like a baby whenever he got skunked on whiskey.”

We arrived home at 9 p.m., and I did a load of laundry before going to my room. Then it was time for porno. I keep watching these movies from the 80s. They bring back memories of my sexually frustrated youth. I can’t believe that I get to view them all for free.

I fell asleep at midnight after a vigorous wank. Needless to say, I slept like the dead. Good for me.

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