Schrodinger's Cat

(I've never been good at math or science.)

Yesterday, I got home at 6 p.m. and discovered 120 bottles of water waiting at my door. They were wrapped in plastic in groups of thirty. I let out a sigh of agony. The last thing I wanted to do was drag them all into the house. But what other option did I have? It's not like I could leave them in the corridor. My neighbors would probably start gossiping about me.

Anyway, I lugged them to the veranda and stacked them along the wall. And trust me. They were some heavy sons of bitches. But no big deal. I really need all the exercise I can get. I don't want to become one of those old men who can't do anything physical. I'm trying to age gracefully.

Rice-Boy Larry walked through the door at 7 p.m. He went crazy with joy when he saw that his delivery had arrived successfully.

He screamed, "The water came!"

I nodded. "It sure did. It was hell dragging that shit into the house."

"It was the best deal on the internet. It should last us until the end of October. I did the calculations in my mind."

"You're probably right."

"Twenty eight bucks for 120 bottles. You can't beat that with a stick."

"Granny says the price is too high. She shops at Sam's and gets it for a fraction of the cost."

He frowned at me. "The comparison isn't the same. The water in America is cheaper. But we did the best we could by Korean standards."

I patted him on the shoulder. "Great job."

Later that night, we went to the chicken house for dinner. We ordered a platter of fried bird and a pitcher of beer. Because we are regular customers, the owner knows what we want before we even speak. Perhaps I should diversify my choices of restaurants. I hate being predictable. But I'm a big fan of draft beer, and all the poultry places have suds on tap. The other establishments only serve my favorite beverage in large glass bottles.

I talked to Larry while stuffing the food into my fat face. "How's school these days?"

"I'm going to try to study harder. I want to improve my scores."

"I got your report card, and you're doing pretty well. You wouldn't want to burn yourself out."

"It's important to be the best that you can be."

I smiled at him. "That was the motto of the United States Army when I was a teenager."

"I wouldn't do well in the military. I'm too much of a pussy. That's why I have to work on my mind. Science and math are my most important subjects."

"Did you learn anything new?"

"Yes. Something called Schrodinger's cat."

"I've heard of that. Sheldon Cooper used to talk about it on The Big Bang Theory. Can you explain it to me?"

"There's a cat in a cardboard container. It's either dead or alive. But you can't find out unless you decide to open the box."

I sighed heavily. "That's the dumbest fucking thing I ever heard."

"Maybe so. Yet it's very scientific."

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