Garbage Day

 

(Taking out the trash is complicated in Korea.)

Yesterday, I got home at 6 p.m. and did two huge loads of laundry. Some of my underpants were full of skid marks, so I was forced to use a ton of bleach. That miracle liquid really did the job. My delicate panties are now glowing with pure cleanliness. In fact, you’d be hard pressed to find a single speck of fecal matter. Whoever invented bleach should give himself a huge pat on the back.

After that, I made dinner for me and my boy. We had dumplings that I cooked in the air fryer.

I said, “Is your food good?”

He shrugged. “I’ve had worse.”

“That’s not exactly a glowing review.”

“Do you hear me complaining?”

Sometimes, I wish that I had had daughters. Then I could make them prepare the food and wash the clothes. Oh well. What’s a daddy to do?

I sat on the sofa and turned-on Netflix. I watched a couple of episodes of a show called Peaky Blinders. It’s about gangsters in England vying for control of Birmingham. Most of the characters have just returned home from WWI. They’re all violent damaged men.

Rice-Boy Larry walked into the living room. “I might go for a run.”

“OK. I’m certainly not going to stop you.”

“But I have tons of math homework.”

“I’m too old to fuss at you, son. Make a choice and stick with it.”

He let out a heavy sigh. “I’ll do the math. My teacher is a motherfucker.”

“I’m sure he’s doing his best, so don’t be too rough on him.”

At nine p.m., I went to my room. I sat in bed and viewed Fox News for an hour. There’s a huge hurricane heading straight for Florida. Governor DeSantis urged everyone to search for higher ground. He said that the storm is going to be a killer. His motto was this: Hide from wind and run from water.

My mom actually lost her condominium in Mississippi after Hurricane Katrina struck the Gulf Coast. The sudden surge of water washed the entire complex out to sea. One of her neighbors died during the event. He had refused to leave his home because the local shelters wouldn’t admit his pet. His body was never recovered. That was almost twenty years ago, but it seems like yesterday.

I eventually fell asleep at 10 p.m. Yet unfortunately I had to piss like a racehorse during the middle of the night. I got out of bed and shot urine all over the toilet seat. But not to fear. I cleaned it up with the shower nozzle. My bathroom floors come with a drain. Therefore, I can squirt water wherever the fuck I want. It makes life easier.

The alarm sounded at 5 a.m., and I ate three donuts before taking a shit and a shower. Then I cooked six strips of bacon for Rice-Boy Larry.

I said, “You need to take out the garbage.”

“I’ll do it when I get back from school.”

“OK. Sounds good to me. But try not to forget. We’ll soon be drowning in refuse.”

Korea is a pain in the ass when it comes to trash. If the stuff isn’t separated, you will actually receive a hefty fine from Big Brother. Consequently, we have a large blue bag filled with empty plastic bottles out on our veranda.

I caught the bus with plenty of time to spare and got to work by 8 a.m. It was time to start another day.