Yesterday, I went to church with Rice-Boy Larry. Normally we walk to our destination, but the heat has been so brutal these days that we decided to take a taxi. We arrived five minutes early and sat in the corner of the chapel. Me and my boy always gravitate to the back row. That's just our nature.
Anyway, I had a supernatural encounter. I was minding my own business when suddenly the Holy Spirit entered my body. It was definitely a physical experience. God filled me up the way draft beer fills a frosty glass. I felt an awe-inspiring sense of euphoria which threatened to bring tears to my eyes. I even had a hard time catching my breath. It was liked getting punched in the heart by Bruce Lee. But in a good way. I guess you could say that the Holy Ghost kicked my ass.
Nothing like this has ever happened to me before. I'm not some crazy Pentecostal who dances with joy every time his pastor speaks in tongues. On the contrary. I'm a measured level-headed human being who prides himself on his normalcy. Yes. Your poor old humble narrator is as bland as bland can be. Yet it is extremely difficult not to be joyful. After all, I've just been baptized by the spirit of God. So it would be unseemly to go around feeling pity for myself.
After the service, I walked home with Rice-Boy Larry. The weather had grown cooler, and we were both in desperate need of exercise. So why not, right?
I said, "That was quite a sermon, huh?"
He shrugged. "It seemed the same to me."
"You might be correct, but I got baptized in the spirit. Big time."
He shot me the stink eye. "What?"
I nodded. "It happened right when we were both sitting down. I felt the Holy Ghost enter my body like a huge breath from the almighty Lord. Then I began to tingle all over, and I had a hard time getting air into my lungs. I even thought about running out of the room. It was both awesome and scary at the same time."
"How come I didn't notice? I was right next to you?"
"I don't know. I guess I'm good at concealing my emotions."
That's when I slipped on some mud and tumbled to the sidewalk. My left leg got trapped behind me, and I feared that I might have torn a ligament or two. Larry tried to help me back to my feet, but I shooed him away. I needed to collect myself for a moment. Falling down in your 50s is a lot different than falling down in your 20s. It's impossible to spring back up immediately.
Yet have no fear, my friends. Luckily, no major damage was done. I do, however, have a nasty gash on my knee to memorialize the mishap.
I said, "I need to go to the store to buy some Windex."
"Impossible. You should see yourself. You look as if you shit your pants."
"Well, what can I do, son? These things happen in life."
"I'm only trying to help you out. No need to yell at me."
When we got back to the apartment, I took a quick shower. After that, it was time to cook dinner. I fried some rice and eggs in bacon grease. Then I covered the vittles in curry sauce. The meal tasted pretty damn good.
(Give my message board a try.)
We're getting close....
ReplyDeleteChristian Standard Bible
And it will be in the last days, says God, that I will pour out my Spirit on all people; then your sons and your daughters will prophesy, your young men will see visions, and your old men will dream dreams.
I'm still waiting for the abomination of desolation that Jesus talks about in Matthew 24. When that happens, we'll know that the End Times are approaching.
DeleteWell I am an old man, and I do dream dreams
ReplyDeletePraise God.
DeleteYour claims of definitely a physical experience and slipping on a sidewalk and looking as if you shit your pants are potential signs of a mild stroke. But don’t waste money on an MRI, since it is just clinical confirmation. Just live life to it’s fullest, however pointless that may be.
ReplyDeleteI don't see it as pointless. Have faith. God has a plan.
Delete