Diversity

 

(I'm support affirmative action when it benefits me.)

Yesterday, I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a nasty shit. A Korean man was driving with his pregnant Cambodian wife when he hit a car on the side of the road. The violence of the collision killed both the woman and her unborn child. To make matters worse, the police detected sleeping medication in the lady’s blood. So they went ahead and charged her husband with murder. However, there wasn’t enough evidence to convict the guy, and now his insurance company is on the hook to pay him spousal death benefits worth millions of dollars.

I ate hash browns for breakfast as I surfed the internet. Orange Donald is in a great deal of legal trouble. The Department of Justice is trying to put him in prison for storing confidential documents at Mar-a-Lago. This doesn’t surprise me in the least. The Deep State will not tolerate outsiders in the White House. Therefore, Trump will end his days behind bars. But at least he wasn’t murdered like JFK. It’s a small blessing, yet a blessing nonetheless. Make no mistake. This is a world where Satan calls the shots, and evil will continue to reign until Jesus takes our planet back by force.

The Dragon Lady walked into my room and handed me some lettuce. We feed the dog lettuce every morning and night to supplement the beast’s diet.

She said, “What you do?”

I said, “I’m giving the puppy some food.”

“Dat not how you do it. She have to sit and shake da hand.”

“But I don’t have the time for all that crap. I’ve to get dressed for work.”

“Give to me!”

“What?”

“Give to me!”

So I handed her the vittles.

“I feed da doggy. You too stoopid.”

“OK. Knock yourself out.”

My wife is a psychotic control freak who’s never happy. And back in the day, I didn’t mind because I was saturated with alcohol and enveloped in a perpetual haze of tobacco smoke. In other words, the drugs kept me insulated against her hatred. But now that I’m living the clean life, I simply can’t put up with the nonsense any longer. I often feel as if I’m drowning, and I even struggle to breathe from time to time. Trust me. This relationship is literally killing me.

I drove to work with Rice-Boy Larry. We called my mother during the drive using Facebook Messenger.

I said, “Nurse Ken is thinking about a career as a state trooper. He’s applying sometime in the near future.”

She said, “You’re so full of shit. He’s not going to do that. Mark my words. He’ll be in nursing school by the spring semester. He’s just taking a little break because he’s a little burnt out with working and studying.”

I nodded. “You’re probably right. But if he does decide to be a cop, tell him to list his race as Asian on the application form.”

“Why?”

“His minority status might make him more viable as a candidate. I’m pretty sure that the Texas State Police isn’t loaded to the gills with Korean boys. They’re probably trying to become more diverse.”

“But you’re against affirmative action.”

I shook my head and wagged my finger. “I’m only against it when it doesn’t work for me.”

She laughed and laughed.

(Did you like this post? Then read my novel for free. Click here.) 

(Give my message board a try.)