Murder in Korea

 

(Southeast Asians don't always get a fair shake on the peninsula.)

Yesterday, I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a nasty shit. A Vietnamese couple traveled to Korea in 2020 to make a better life for themselves. This isn’t uncommon. Many Southeast Asians come to the peninsula to perform the menial jobs the locals find distasteful. Anyway, they moved to Gyeonggi Province and produced a little baby son to carry on the family name. They eventually sent the eighteen-month-old toddler to a daycare center where he was tragically murdered by one of his teachers. The woman was given a 19-year prison sentence for her horrible crime, and the parents are angry due to the leniency of the judge presiding over the case.

I ate hash browns for breakfast as I watched Fox News. Senile Joe’s poll numbers are plummeting, and many in the democratic party are afraid that he might lose to Trump in 2024. But I don’t see that happening. It’s a demographic issue which is pretty much insurmountable. In order for Orange Donald to achieve victory, he will have to garner more than 55 percent of the white vote. It just doesn’t seem possible to me. When it comes to presidential politics, America is pretty much a one-party state.

The Dragon Lady needed the car, so she drove me to work. We struck up a conversation along the way.

She said, “My brothah-in-raw cawl me rast night.”

I said, “Which one?”

“Dah one who make da teef.”

Her youngest sister is married to a wealthy man who makes teeth for a living. He sells them to dentists throughout Korea for a hefty profit. He’s a millionaire with a Range Rover and a huge swanky house. He also owns a Mercedes sports automobile. Good for him.

She said, “He angly because my mothah.”

I said, “What’s the problem?”

“You know da plobrem. She not give any money to her daughtah.”

The Dragon Lady and her sisters have been written out of the family inheritance. When her mom and dad eventually die, the property and cash will be given to her brother. He’s the baby of the family, and his sisters are filled with so much rage over the issue that they are practically fit to be tied.

I said, “Why does your bother-in-law even care? He’s richer than God.”

“Eet not mattah. Do you tink eet fair? My mothah is bad woman.”

“What about your father?”

“He bad, too.”

The Dragon Lady hasn’t talked to her parents in nearly a year. But I couldn’t care less. I’m a filthy white man, so my Asian family doesn’t even regard me as fully human. I shit you not. In their eyes, I’m simply a hairy monkey swinging from the trees.

I said, “Your brother-in-law is a greedy son of a bitch.”

She said, “Why you say dat? Eet not trew.”

“It is true. He’d steal candy from a baby.”

My day at work went well. But something weird happened during one of my prep periods. I was chomping away on a piece of nicotine gum when I had a sudden attack of gas. So I ripped a huge raunchy fart. In fact, it was so violent that I feared I had shit my pants. You should have smelled it. Talk about a masterpiece. The whole classroom reeked of onions and rotten eggs.

Five minutes later, the bell rang and the students poured into the corridors. Two of them stepped into my smelly domain to ask about an upcoming test. I was very afraid that they might gag because of the odor. Yet they never even noticed. Praise Jesus.

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