The Chosen

 

(I do my best to spread the word.)

Yesterday, I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a shit. Sixty-one homosexual men in Pusan were arrested for the consumption and distribution of dangerous drugs, including meth amphetamine. All of the suspects are tragically infected with AIDS due to their risky sexual behavior. The vast majority of Koreans aren’t exactly big on gay rights, and this story certainly doesn’t help the cause. Furthermore, those who use narcotics on the peninsula often receive huge jail sentences. So these guys are definitely facing significant time in prison. On the bright side, this country isn’t like Uganda or The Congo. They will definitely get the medication they need during their long period of incarceration.

I ate hash browns for breakfast as I watched Fox News. A television personality named Kat Timpf wrote a book about comedy. She says it’s important to laugh even when terrible things happen, such as the death of loved ones. Kat claims that she was cracking jokes 24 hours after the passing of her mother. It helped with her grief. Sadly, Fox is often nothing more than a giant circle jerk. The journalists interview each other and pimp their friends’ products over the air. I’m not a huge fan of the network, but it’s the only game in town. Where else am I going to run? CNN? No, thank you.

I called my mother using Facebook Messenger.

She said, “Do you know how much your niece is paying for her college loans?”

I shook my head. “No, but I’m kind of guessing by your tone that it’s probably outrageous.”

“Outrageous isn’t the word.” She paused for dramatic effect. “$1,200 a month!”

“That’s terrible. The whole thing is a scam.”

“Talk about a rip off.”

“What gets me is that the government is involved in fleecing these children. It’s a sleezy fucked-up industry designed to bankrupt the citizens.”

“But you can’t go bankrupt. That’s the problem. It’s debt that follows you around like a ball and chain.”

“Nurse Ken is the smart one. His education has been completely free thus far.”

And this is true. Ken doesn’t go to a fancy private university. Nor does he live in a dorm. Rather, he attends a generic state college which is located close to his grandmother’s house. He gets a small church scholarship which covers the tuition, and he receives a poor-boy grant from the government that takes care of his books and expenses. Is he having wild times with his buddies? Probably not. But he’ll be debt free when he graduates. So, as long as he avoids doing something stupid, he should be able to live a pretty decent life.

Later that morning, I played with Dolly the dog. For those of you who are new to this blog, Dolly is a bichon frise with a sparkling personality. I threw a balled-up sock from the bedroom into the kitchen, and she kept bringing it back for a good fifteen minutes. Then she decided to take a nap. Dolly has huge bursts of energy throughout the day, but she also enjoys her sack time. She’s a wonderful little beast who brings me tons of happiness.

In the evening, I watched a show called The Chosen. It’s a drama about the ministry of Jesus Christ. This program is so good that it left me dumbfounded. I wish that I had the talent to write something so profound. Even if you’re a dirty atheist, you should definitely give it a try.

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