Gabbing with the Kids

(I'm not a lonely boy.)

Yesterday, I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a shit. There has been a recent outbreak of monkey pox here on the peninsula. So far, eighteen cases have been reported. The vast majority of the infected are homosexual males participating in risky sexual practices. Don’t misunderstand me. I’m not a prude, and I realize that men are going to get their rocks off one way or another. But I wish that the gays would start wrapping their Johnsons in a raincoat to save the rest of us from suffering the aftermath of their debauched lifestyle choices. Am I being too harsh? I don’t think so. It comes down to good manners.

I ate hash browns for breakfast as I watched the news on television. Fox has settled with Dominion. Roger Aisles will now have to pay the defamed company 761 million dollars to stay out of court. In my heart, I was hoping that the case would make it to trial. I feel that America has too many dirty little secrets that are being kept from the peasants like me. For instance, we never got to see the list of the elites who visited Pedophile Island. Nor was the manifesto of the deranged transvestite child killer in Tennessee made available to the public. The citizens have the right to know this kind of stuff. What happened to journalism?

I called my mother using Facebook Messenger.

I said, “How’s tricks back home?”

She said, “Things are going OK. I cut the grass this evening.”

I was shocked. “You cut the grass? Aren’t you a little bit too long in the tooth to partake in such a task? I mean, you’re seventy-six fucking years old.”

“But if I don’t do it, then it won’t get done.”

“What about Nurse Ken?”

“He’s busy studying for the Hesi Exam. And when he isn’t cracking the books, he’s slaving away at his job making pizzas for the general public.”

“He still hasn’t set up a phony Facebook account. That boy has been pissing me off lately.”

“I’d leave him alone right now. This test has him all stressed out.”

“Fair enough.”

I got to work at 8 a.m. and viewed the replays of some NBA games during my downtime. I especially liked the clip of Draymond Green stomping on the chest of Sabonis. Draymond has been suspended for his actions. However, former great Shaquille O’Neil says that Sabonis had it coming. O’Neil believes that grabbing Green’s leg was a dirty play deserving of extreme punishment.

My opinion? I side with the refs on this one. During the 90s and the early 2000s, basketball was shit. It was like viewing ice hockey on hardwood floors. In fact, the game was so physical that most teams couldn’t put 100 points on the board. I don’t want to see the sport return to its former infamy. I get enough violence with football and the UFC. Basketball should be about grace, skill, and athleticism.

I talked to a few of my students after one of my classes. They wanted to know about my oldest son.

I said, “He’s studying to be a nurse.”

One girl said, “That job pays a lot of money in America.”

I nodded in agreement. “They aren’t poor. That’s for sure.” I paused for dramatic effect. “Did you know that one of the most prolific serial killers in America worked as an RN in Kentucky? Netflix made two shows about him. A movie and a documentary.”

She shrugged. “That makes sense. Nurses can get their hands on lots of deadly medication.”

I really enjoy gabbing with the children. I never feel lonely.

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