Keeping Quiet

 

(Sometimes, it's best to keep your mouth shut.)

Yesterday, I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of coffee. Then I read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a shit. President Yoon is trying to establish close ties with the nation of Japan. However, this has left many of the peninsula's citizens feeling nonplussed. Most Koreans hate the Japanese with a passion. And rightly so. They suffered terribly at the hands of Nippon’s imperial empire back in the day. In fact, lots of Korean women were forced into prostitution just to keep the Japanese soldiers happy. Those who protested such outrageous behavior were often tortured and killed.

I ate hash browns as I watched Fox News. Things aren’t going well in East Palestine, Ohio. The residents are afflicted with nonstop headaches, and the children are spitting up blood. Yet the government isn’t doing much to help. Instead, we’re giving our money to the brave fighters in the Ukraine. But those bastards in Ohio have it coming, right? After all, they had the audacity to vote for Orange Donald. Therefore, they deserve to be thrown to the wolves. That seems to be Joe Biden's take on the situation, anyway. His administration is chock full of political tricksters who hate white working-class Americans.

I called my mother using Facebook Messenger.

She said, “I was supposed to go grocery shopping today.”

I said, “What happened?”

She shrugged. “I couldn’t be bothered. The thought of it turned my stomach.”

“So what did you do instead?”

“I went to Home Depot with Nurse Ken.”

“Did you have a good time?”

“Not bad. We bought some chemicals that are supposed to be good for the grass.”

“Well, it’s nice to get out of the house. How’s my boy doing?”

“He’s visiting his friend for dinner.”

“The blonde-headed girl?”

She shook her head. “No, the boy who’s dad is my doctor. The Cuban kid.”

I nodded. “Some of those Cubans are real movers and shakers.”

“Yes, they always seem to blossom when they come to America. Same with the Asians.”

Later that morning, I drove to work with Rice-Boy Larry. I tried having a conversation along the way, but I only got monosyllabic responses from my son. It was like trying to talk with Gary Cooper in High Noon. So I eventually decided to stop beating a dead horse. I actually enjoyed the silence. Go figure.

My day at work went well. I gave exams to the kids.

I looked at the seventh graders like a gunslinger. “I’m the hardest teacher at this institution. Most of you will fail this test.”

They let out a huge groan.

One boy said, “Don’t curse us! We’re good students. Most of us, anyway.”

I smiled at him. “We shall see.”

Of course, I was just joking. I have the reputation of being a pushover when it comes to grades. I’ve even gotten into hot water in the past because my assessments aren’t extremely challenging. But I don’t care. I didn’t fly 7,000 miles from home to fail a bunch of teenagers.

I marked the papers in the afternoon. A few of kids didn’t do very well. One got an F and the others got a D. So I’ve decided to keep my mouth shut in the future.