Fixing the Dog

(I love my puppy.)

 Yesterday, I didn’t have a lot to do at work because classes don’t start until Monday. So I spent the morning and the afternoon watching basketball. The Mavericks looked impressive in their victory over the 76ers. Both Luka Doncic and Kyrie Irving scored more than 40 points. Yet they only won the game by the slightest of margins. I’m not sure if this bodes well for their chances during the playoffs. To achieve success, each man will have to deliver other-worldly performances from now until June. Good luck with that.

Later, I read the bible. I study the scriptures every day, but I don’t want to give you the idea that I’m a good person. In fact, the opposite is true. My demons have demons. Therefore, I turn to God because I know what an asshole I actually am. Anyway, I’m at the part in the Gospel of Mark where Jesus overturns the tables in the temple. Of course, his goose is cooked the minute he does this. People will put up with a lot…until you mess with their money. When you touch their gold, you had better get ready for war.

I got home at 6 p.m. and changed into my jammies. It was soon time for dinner. I ate vegetable pancakes, rice, and Chinese mushrooms. As you can imagine, it certainly wasn’t as good as a T-bone steak and French fries. Yet I want to continue with my diet. I actually feel healthier. I listened to Pastor Charles Lawson while stuffing my fat face. I’m a huge fan of his sermons.

I played some computer games for the next three hours. My favorite is called Medieval: Total War. I pretend I’m the Danes and do my best to spread a northern empire. It’s a way to kill time.

After achieving global domination, I celebrated by viewing porn. My favorite vids featured Japanese group sex. Those people really know how to have a good time. With that said, I felt kind of guilty. Filth often holds me spellbound. My life is dominated by sin.

I went to bed at 11 p.m. and slept like the dead. Then I woke up at 7 a.m. and drank a cup of coffee. Next, I read the headlines on my phone while taking a shit. A woman from the city of Pusan poisoned her neighbors by lacing their tea with a dangerous psychiatric medicine. Her action claimed the lives of a mother and daughter in the next apartment. The son managed to survive and is providing testimony against this twisted witch.

I called my mom using Facebook Messenger.

I said, “Dolly’s going for her surgery today.”

She said, “I wouldn’t worry about it too much. The vast majority survive the procedure.”

“I simply don’t understand why we have to take the chance. She never leaves the apartment, so it’s impossible to have puppies.”

“It’s good for her health. The surgery actually prevents certain types of cancers.”

“No shit?”

She nodded. “No shit.”

The Dragon Lady and Rice-Boy Larry drove to the vet at 10 a.m. Meanwhile, I stayed home and watched Tucker Carlson. Tucker is against the war in the Ukraine, and so am I. I enjoy his show because he provides me with an echo chamber. We’re the same age, the same color, and the same religion. In addition to that, we practically agree on everything. Like me, he’s a recovering neocon who got duped by the man during the invasion of Iraq.

The Dragon Lady returned with Dolly at 11 a.m.

I said, “They finished the surgery that fast?”

She shook her head. “Today, we onry do da brud test and sign da paypah. Da surgery next week.”

I sighed heavily.

Oh well. Live and learn.