Idiotic Children

(Kids can often be stupid.)

Yesterday, I talked with my friend Tommy. I walked to his classroom to get some exercise. The year is quickly coming to an end, so most of the work is finished. We're all just dotting the i's and crossing the t's before we go on a lengthy vacation.

I said, "So what's new?"

He said, "I have a new baby in the house."

"That's great. So your daughter finally gave birth?"

He nodded. "Ten days ago."

"How come you kept it to yourself?"

He smirked at me. "You know why."

"Yeah, but you shouldn't be ashamed of your granddaughter. She's just an innocent child."

"I'm not ashamed. You know how it is. This is a touchy situation."

Tommy's daughter got knocked up nine months ago. She had been fifteen at the time, and her surprise pregnancy prompted her to drop out of school. Korean Christians are very conservative, and unwanted pregnancies are still a huge deal over here. Asian people are big on shame. But what can you do? Sometimes, teenagers have sex and stuff happens. You got to forgive them eventually.

I said, "Don't feel too bad. My son is a bigger knucklehead than your daughter."

"Rice-Boy Larry?"

I shook my head. "No, Nurse Ken."

"What did he do?"

"The idiot has been growing psychedelic mushrooms in his granny's house. Luckily, my niece caught him before he could continue with his stupidity. Long story short, all his drugs have been destroyed."

Tommy sighed heavily. "Hallelujah and praise Jesus." He suddenly pointed at me and snapped his fingers. "Do you remember Dr. Kim?"

I nodded. "Sure I do. He was a great guy."

Dr. Kim had been the principal at our school for several years before getting a better gig. He's now making big money at a private company. Everybody loved him back in the day. He had a great management style. He was firm but fair. 

Tommy said, "His daughters were fantastic. Smart. Well behaved. Funny. They both got accepted to great colleges. Ivy league schools. Did you know that?"

"I had no idea, but I'm not surprised. Those ladies were smart. I was their favorite teacher."

"I wonder what Dr. Kim's secret is. His kids are great, and ours are a couple of idiots."

I said, "Do you remember Pastor Shetland?"

"Yes."

"Well, his daughter was a chain-smoking alcoholic who was always misbehaving in public. She was also a macho lesbian. You know the type. A real diesel dyke who liked to dress in denim and plaid. I loved that girl and adored her dad. They made me feel so much better about myself."

I got home that night at 6 p.m. and watched the game between the San Francisco 49ers and the Seattle Seahawks. The 49ers won and clinched the division. They are now playoff bound. I'm a diehard Saints fan, but I enjoy the San Francisco team. Those boys play very physical, and their defense is hellacious. They really have a great chance to go all the way.

I walked to the bathroom and took a shit. I read the headlines on my smartphone while sitting on the throne. A warrant officer from Seoul sexually harassed a 23-year-old female soldier. She threatened to report him to his superiors, but he bullied her into submission with violent threats. Anyway, she ended up killing herself due to the trauma. The warrant officer has been given a two-year prison sentence for his bad behavior.

I turned on Netflix. I viewed a Meryl Streep movie called The River Wild. The film was dumb but in a fun kind of way. It's about a family being harassed by criminals during a white-water rafting trip. I'm not saying that you should go out of your way to watch it. Yet if you got nothing else to do, then why not?

I went to bed at 11 p.m. and slept like the dead.