Old and Tired

 

(Let the chips fall where they may.)

Yesterday, I woke up at 8 a.m. and drank a cup of green tea. Then I read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a nasty shit. The dead Buddhist monk, Venerable Jaseung, was finally laid to rest in Seoul after being reduced to a charcoal briquette a couple days ago. But it turns out that the fire which claimed his life wasn’t actually an accident. Quite the contrary. Venerable Jaseung burned himself alive as an offering to Buddha. In fact, the authorities found several suicide notes in his car. It seems that every once in a while, monks like to self-immolate in order to spread their false religion. Go figure.

I called my mother using Facebook Messenger.

I said, “One of the teachers at my school is retiring this year. He’s 65 years old.”

“Is Gramps happy about the situation?”

“No, he’s miserable. The poor son of a bitch is getting old, and he feels like nobody wants him.”

“So what’s he going to do?”

“Him and his wife are moving to Pusan to live with their daughters.”

“Is he married to a Korean?”

I nodded. “Yes, they’ve been together for almost thirty years.”

“Is she crazy like your wife?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “I have no idea. I don’t really know the toothless geezer that well to delve into his personal life.”

“Do you want some advice?”

I shook my head from side to side. “Not really.”

“Well, too fucking bad.” She paused for dramatic effect. “You need to get on the internet and buy two plane tickets. And then you and your boy should come back home to Texas tomorrow. I won’t be around for another ten years, and I want to make sure that you’re settled before I die.”

“Settled? I’ll be working at the fucking Waffle House with no health insurance or benefits of any kind.”

“It doesn’t matter. You can get on Medicaid.”

“I’m tempted, but it’s such a huge defeat for a man in his 50s to come crawling back home to Mama. I think I’d rather die.”

“But it’s not just about you. You must also do what’s best for Rice-Boy Larry. He’s an American who needs to be around his older brother.”

Mom’s been assailing me with guilt ever since I went to visit her last year. She has even offered to buy me a house in order to lure me back. Yet the very thought of it makes me quite queasy. I have a decent job and great insurance. I’d hate to give that up. Plus I don’t know Chicken Ken’s future. He keeps on talking about joining the Air Force after college. So I might return just to sit by my lonesome. Decisions, decisions.

Larry finally crawled out of bed at 11 a.m.

I said, “Are you coming to church with me today?”

“I can’t. I’ve got too much studying to do.”

“Would you like to go live in Texas?”

“It’s up to you. But don’t think for one minute that Mom is finished with her nonsense.”

“What do you mean? I haven’t seen the woman in four months.”

“It doesn’t matter. You’ve got a pension, so she’s going to try and take it all. And if you fight her in court, then she’ll smear your reputation to the leadership at the school.”

“Smear my reputation? And how would she accomplish that?”

“By telling outrageous lies. Maybe she’ll say that you’re a pervert or a drug user, and she won’t be happy until you are completely destroyed.”

“But I’m not a pervert or a drug user.”

“Doesn’t matter. What does truth have to do with anything?”

Rice-Boy is quite cynical at times. However, he could be right. The Dragon Lady is a dangerous loon. Yet with that said, I’m not going to lose any sleep over it. I’m too old and tired to care anymore. Perhaps I should burn myself to a crisp like the Venerable Jaseung. But who can handle all that pain? I’m definitely too much of a pussy to employ the nuclear option, so I’ll just have to grin and bear it.

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