The End Times

 

(Is the Tribulation right around the corner?)

Yesterday, I got to work at 7:30 a.m. and read the headlines on my computer. Lots of Korean men are becoming obese. In fact, 30 percent of the male population under 40 are now considered overweight. But this doesn’t seem to apply to the women. Korean females are actually very beautiful. The vast majority are slim and attractive. Yet many are plastic she-devils who dress fashionably and tote designer handbags. That’s been my experience, anyway.

I talked to my mother using Facebook Messenger.

She said, “Are you still getting divorced on Halloween?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “I really have no fucking clue.”

“What do you mean?”

“I never actually talk to my wife these days.”

“Are you crazy? She was just at your apartment the other day.”

“Yes, but I didn’t see her. Nor did I speak to her. She was long gone by the time I came home. I’m very much confused by the whole situation.”

“Then why don’t you call her?”

“I don’t see the point. All she does is scream. So I guess I’ll just have to play it by ear.”

“What the hell does she scream about?”

“She keeps telling me over and over again how I ruined her life. She also claims that I am nothing but bad luck. I’ve told you this a million times.”

Mom frowned and let out a heavy sigh. “I simply haven’t been the same since my stroke. Short-term memory remains a problem.”

I already have a plan in place. I’m going to try my best to get Rice-Boy Larry through high school before returning to America. However, if things get too uncomfortable, I’ll be forced to make a run to the airport. Life’s been extremely pleasant since the Dragon Lady flew the coop. I have no complaints. Furthermore, my healthcare plan is world class. When I contract cancer due to the cigarettes, I’ll actually be able to afford the pain medication. God willing.

I went to lunch at noon and sat in the cafeteria with my friend and colleague Richard Hurtz. The food was quite good. Fried chicken and noodles.

He said, “I hate Palestine and Israel.”

I said, “What do you have against Israel?”

“Those sons of bitches are always causing problems. The land doesn’t belong to them.”

I pointed at him with my index finger to lend gravity to my words. “You’re dead wrong. God promised them the land 4,000 years ago when Abraham walked among the living.”

He smirked at me. “Really? You believe in those old fairy tales?”

I nodded. “I most certainly do. And this war is very exciting to a loon like me. Israel is now surrounded by her enemies. So it just might signal the upcoming Day of the Lord.”

“And that’s when Jesus returns, right?”

“Correct. What we’re looking for now is the abomination of desolation.”

He chuckled and clapped his giant hands together. “And what does that entail?”

“The son of perdition will enter the Holy Land. This will lead to the Tribulation and the Great Tribulation.”

“And who exactly is this son of perdition?”

“The antichrist. He will be a solitary human who will take charge of a global empire. But not to worry. He shall only reign for seven years.”

“Oh, I’m not worried.”

“And neither am I. Because I won’t be here. I’ll be raptured up to heaven while you non-believers are left in the soup.”

I eventually returned home at 6 o’clock. Then I cooked dinner for my son and did two loads of laundry. I also watched an episode of Wentworth before finally going to bed. I was so exhausted that I was out like a light before my head hit the pillow. I slept like the dead.

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