Gay Barry

 

(Tucker Carlson interviewed one of Obama's old boyfriends.)

Yesterday, I got home at 6 p.m. and did a couple loads of laundry. Then I walked across the street and bought a loaf of French bread and eight donuts. After that, I sat on my fat ass and watched a couple episodes of Peaky Blinders. The only thing I don’t like about the show is the anachronisms. For instance, it’s set in the 1920s, yet heavy-metal music is often blaring in the background. What’s up with that?

Rice-Boy Larry got home at 7 p.m. He had been playing basketball with his friends.

I said, “How are your zits doing?”

“My friends say that they’re getting smaller.”

“So is the medicine working?”

He shrugged. “I guess so.”

“Do you want me to make you dinner?”

“I already ate with my buddies.”

“Where are you getting all this money?”

“We take turns when it comes to the bill. It’s Korea style.”

My poor boy was completely worn out with fresh air and exercise. So he took a quick shower and went to his room. Now that the Dragon Lady is gone, we both seem to sleep better. Evil is no longer lurking in the house. With that said, I do miss my dog quite a bit. She used to bring me a lot of joy.

At 9 p.m., I had a quick wank before dozing off. My fantasies are often quite weird and counterproductive. For instance, I never imagine performing coitus with beautiful ladies. Instead, I focus of women with whom I might actually have a chance to score in real life. Therefore, my pleasure is often blunted due to grim reality. I need to expand my horizons.

The alarm sounded at 5 a.m., and I walked outside for a quick smoke. Then I enjoyed a shit and a shower before frying bacon and rice cake for Larry. He devoured the vittles in no time flat.

I caught the bus at 6:45 a.m. and got to work at 7:10. I drank a cup of instant coffee and called my mother using Facebook messenger.

I said, “I haven’t spoken to Ken the Chicken Man in a coon’s age. He keeps ignoring me.”

“That’s not true. He’s just so busy these days that he doesn’t have much time to communicate.”

“What’s he been up to?”

“The same old, same old. He’s still working at Chick-fil-A and going to school fulltime.”

“I often wonder if he’s angry at me. Does he ever insinuate that I’m an asshole or a bad father?”

She shook her head vigorously from side to side. “Never! In fact, he wants you and Larry to return home as soon as possible. That’s all he ever talks about.”

“He thinks that’s what he wants, but he’s going to feel a great deal of shame if his daddy is a waitress at the Waffle House.”

“Nonsense. He doesn’t give a crap about stuff like that.”

I changed the subject. “Tucker Carlson just interviewed one of Obama’s old boyfriends.”

“No kidding?”

“That’s right. He and Barry had sex while smoking crack together.”

She smiled. “I’m not surprised. All those politicians are horrible perverts.”

“I’m not surprised either. But I still like that sodomite more than John McCain or Mitt Romney.”

“Well, we can agree to disagree on that point.”

I’m really worried about my future if my mom were to die. She’s the only person in the world who actually talks to me. When she finally pops off, I might be the loneliest man in the universe. I’m simply hoping she can hang on for years and years.

(Did you like this post? Then read my novel for free. Click here.) 

(Give my message board a try.)