Pornography

(Sometimes, I enjoy watching complete strangers fornicating.)

Last night, I was dozing when I heard the barking of a dog. I thought it was Dolly, so I popped out of bed and walked to the kitchen. Nothing. Not a thing. Then I went to my son's room. He was playing silly computer games with his friends and talking to them over a set of headphones.

I said, "Son, did your mom come back?"

He said, "What?"

"Is your mom home?"

He shook his head. "No."

"I heard a dog barking."

"That's strange."

"Were you making puppy noises with your buddies?"

He smiled at me. "Of course not."

"Damn. Do you think I'm having auditory hallucinations? That's not good. It's a sign of schizophrenia."

"I seriously doubt if you're a schizophrenic. Maybe you were dreaming, and you heard Dolly in your sleep."

I nodded. "You're probably right."

I returned to my room and viewed pornography. My favorite video featured a hot little number named Tanner Mayes. Tanner is very adept when it comes to sex. She twists and turns and moans and groans. She often plays the role of a young woman being seduced by older men. So what's not to like?

I finally called it a night at 2 a.m., and I had a horrible nightmare that scared the crap out of me. A naked teenager was standing on a balcony breastfeeding two mutant children. I couldn't breathe, and I had to fight the urge to scream.

My eyes suddenly snapped open, and I immediately checked the clock. It was four a.m., and I ran to the toilet to piss like a racehorse. I quickly did my business before climbing back into bed. But I made sure to turn on my television in order to fight the terror by hearing human voices. Sometimes, my imagination gets the better of me.

I eventually woke up at 9 a.m. and bought a cup of freshly brewed coffee at a convenience store. After that, I smoked a Marlboro Red while sipping on my java. The mixture of nicotine and caffeine felt wonderful. It gave me a pleasant buzz.

Then I took the elevator back up to my apartment and called my mother using Facebook Messenger.

She said, "Sis is still pretty depressed."

I said, "Because of her divorce?"

"Yes. Even though her husband is a scumbag, she was married to the pig for 28 years. It's hard to let go. You can probably identify."

I shook my head. "No, I cannot. I would rather die than go back to my wife. I'm just afraid of the Korean law."

"How so?"

"No-fault divorce doesn't exist over here. So if she decides to come back, then I'm pretty much fucking screwed. Things would get pretty complicated, and I don't have the money for a lawyer."

"Then what will you do if she tries to get back into your life?"

"Buy a couple of plane tickets and a make a run for it."

"You hate her that much?"

"Hate is a strong word. But it is what it is."

Later that morning, I took a satisfying dump as I read the headlines on my smartphone. A man from the city of Bundang went batshit crazy. He stabbed a bunch of strangers with a knife and hit innocent folk with his car. So far, seventeen people are in the hospital recovering from their injuries. This is unusual for Korea. It's pretty much a safe country.

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