Getting Rich

(A strong family can lead to financial success.)

Yesterday, I got home at 6 p.m. and walked to the pharmacy. I bought two packs of nicotine gum. I chomp on this stuff all the time. I really enjoy it. Anyway, my drug of choice cost me thirty dollars. The medicine will last for about ten days.

After returning to my apartment, I smoked a cigarette and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I vacuumed the floors while slurping on a can of beer. My house isn't very big, so it only took me about twenty minutes to clean the floors.

I called Rice-Boy Larry. "Where are you, boy?"

"I'm with my friends."

"It's Friday."

There was a long pause. "And?"

"Friday is chicken night."

"But we just had chicken on Wednesday."

"Doesn't matter. On Fridays we eat bird. It's a father and son tradition."

"OK. I'll be there in about an hour."

I nodded. "Sounds good."

I sat on the sofa and turned on Fox News. Hunter Biden and his entire family made a shitload of cash back when Senile Joe was the vice president. They're now a bunch of multi-millionaires. I'm no fan of our current president. In fact, it's shameful to have such a braindead grandpa running the show. But all these assholes get rich in politics--both republicans and democrats. Look at Trump's son-in-law, Jared Kushner. The Saudis gave him two billion dollars. That's billion with a b. It's nice to have friends in high places.

I met my son at the restaurant at half-past seven. The sexy waitress was working again. She was wearing a tight-fitting shirt and faded blue jeans.

I said, "That girl's ass makes me want to cry."

Larry sighed heavily. "Dad! Would you stop it already."

"Relax. It's not like she's going to be your stepmother someday. Besides, the last thing she wants in her life is an old white man with no scratch in his pocket."

"I'll probably grow up to be poor, too."

"I hope not. But I can tell you the secret to becoming wealthy."

"What is it?"

"Strong family."

"Strong family?"

"That's right. Remember that Korean movie Parasite? It won the Oscar. Anyway, the family was living in Seoul and kept complaining that they were broke all the time. Yet just think about it. Suppose the four of them had jobs making three grand a month?"

"Three grand ain't much."

I pointed my finger at his chest. "That's right. By itself, it's chump change. But when you pool the money together, it comes to more than $140,000 a year. That's not half bad. And let's say that you bank half of that over ten years. You're looking at seven-hundred grand. You can invest in businesses or real estate or even the stock market. It would be almost impossible not to eventually become a millionaire. Of course, unfortunate events could always derail my vision."

"Like what?"

"Mental illness, retardation, childhood cancer, huge debt. The list goes on and on. Nothing is a sure thing. But after a few generations, your decedents would practically own this entire neighborhood. You could even marry a girl like the foxy waitress and have a great sex life while you made money."

He shot me the stink eye. "You've got a dirty mind."

I shook my head. "Not really, son. I'm simply saying this. Life doesn't have to be a giant turd. You can actually have some fun along the way and experience success. Korea's not a bad place to live. It's better than being born in Djibouti."

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