Yesterday, I read a poem called Concord Hymn
with my high school class. It’s written by Ralph Waldo Emerson, and the themes
of freedom and patriotism resonate throughout the stanzas. Emerson was
obviously a huge fan of the American Revolution. But in his day, the poet was
considered an unhinged libtard by many in polite society. Go figure, right?
I looked at the students. “Are any of you patriots?”
A boy from Lithuania raised his hand. “Not really. It’s
a refuge for scoundrels.”
I sighed heavily. “You might be right. My mom is a
huge patriot. If you say anything against America, she’ll rip out your spleen
with a warm spoon.”
“There’s no point in loving Lithuania. It’s run by a
bunch of corrupt douchebags.”
All his cronies laughed so hard that they nearly fell
out of their chairs. Teenagers love naughty language.
I said, “Why use a word like douchebag in mixed
company? There’s a time and a place.” I paused for dramatic effect. “But even
though you feel no love for the politicians, you still like the people, don’t
you?”
“The Lithuanians?”
“Yes. The Lithuanians.”
He shrugged. “I can take them or leave them.”
“OK. Good enough.”
When I was a boy, I used to wave the flag a lot. Plus
I was into politics big time. Ronald Reagan was the president when I attended
high school, and I thought he was the cat’s meow. Now I’m beginning to think
that Ronnie was just another fuckhead in a long line of fuckheads. The only
leader worth a damn in my lifetime has been Trump, and sadly the deep state is
about to send him to prison forever. Yes. Like a hapless retard, I foolishly believed
that the United States was a democracy, but that notion no longer clouds my
mind. So there you go.
I caught the bus back home at 5:15 p.m. It was so
crowded that I couldn’t find a seat. I had to stand for the entire journey
while clinging to a metal pole. I was terrified. Every time the vehicle
stopped, I nearly fell over.
I finally got to my apartment at 6 p.m. Sixty rolls of
toilet paper were stacked neatly outside my door. I live in a society where the
necessities of life can be shipped right to your domicile in a matter of days.
It certainly makes things extremely convenient. Now I can defecate without any
fear. Good for me.
Rice-Boy Larry was sitting on the sofa. “Hi, Dad.”
I shot him a puzzled glance. “What are you doing home
so early?”
“I lost my toenail playing basketball.”
“Your toenail? The entire thing?”
He nodded. “It just came right off. Now I’m bleeding.”
“Should we go to the hospital?”
He shrugged. “I don’t think so. I looked it up on the
internet. It should grow back in a month or so.”
“Aren’t you in pain?”
“Not really. Let’s wait and see what happens. I don’t
want to miss any school. I’ll fall behind in math.”
Larry, like many Asians, takes algebra very seriously.
Getting a bad grade would kill his pride. It’s a matter of life and death.
(Give my message board a try.)
When I was a small boy, maybe 8 years old, I was walking into a rest stop restroom along the highway in Colorado. It was the middle of the night; we were "driving straight through" on the way to Pennsylvania.
ReplyDeleteAnyhoo, as I approached the door somebody pushed it open from the inside, ramming the door into my just-about-to-reach-it foot. The door hit my foot in such a way that it ripped my right Big toenail off right down to the root.
That was excruciatingly painful. It was the 70s, so my mom just wrapped it in gauze, put my socks back on, and away we went. I think sometimes people used to be a lot tougher. It took forever to heal (but I was 8, so maybe it was only a month?)
Peace to my Toe Bro, Rice-Boy Larry!
I've never lost a big toe. I'd assume that it's very painful.
DeleteThrough dint of painful hours of intense struggle, I got all As with a single B through 2 semesters of college-level Pre-Calculus. Now I don't remeber a thing about any of it. The Slope of Sine, wa it? The graph of function identity?
ReplyDeleteLet's face it, I'm not real smart. 'Bout smart enough to peel a banana with a chainsaw, as my old Grandad should have used to say.
You're smarter than me. All those numbers are gibberish to my small mind.
DeleteI lived and worked in Korea for a while. I consider Koreans to be the Irish of the Orient: strong, quick to throw a punch, hard drinking, chummy, and love cabbage
ReplyDeleteI find Koreans to be very ambitious. They are way too smart for a poor white boy like me.
Deletetold you to get that bidet attachment instead of buying all that toilet paper and ripping up your poor asshole.
ReplyDeletethe kid's toenail will grow back.
You're right. That cut-rate TP is tearing me a new one.
Delete