The Dentist

(Rice-Boy Larry had his teeth cleaned for fifty bucks.)

Today, I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the headlines on my smartphone while smoking a Marlboro Red. An elementary student from Daejeon suddenly got sick at school. She had a terrible headache and kept passing out. The principal called for an ambulance, but it didn't come for 50 minutes because nobody could find a local hospital that would take her. Eventually, the paramedics drove her to a facility in Sejong City where she underwent an emergency operation. However, she died two weeks later from a brain hemorrhage. I'm going to pray for the family. They must be going through hell.

I called my mother using Facebook Messenger.

She said, "Have you heard anything from your wife?"

I said, "Not a word."

"I guess that's good news."

I shrugged. "You're probably right."

"Do you think she'll try to come back?"

"Maybe. That's the last thing that happens in a narcissistic cycle. It's called hoovering." 

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"After narcissists discard their victims, they try to suck them back up into their orbit like a vacuum cleaner." 

"But she hates your guts."

"You're right. That woman despises me with a passion. But according to the internet, women like her have to have something called narcissistic supply. If they don't possess a punching bag willing to put up with their bullshit, they go completely fucking nuts."

"That's not good."

I shook my head. "No, it isn't good. It isn't good at all."

I knocked on Rice-Boy Larry's door. He was sleeping comfortably in his bed, and I shook his leg gingerly. He's kind of an asshole when he's tired, so I tried to be as gentle as possible.

Larry said, "What do you want?"

"I'm going to work."

"But it's vacation time."

"Not for me. I have lots of i's to dot and t's to cross. My labor never ends. I'm the busiest man in Seoul."

"Well, may the force be with you."

"I'll leave you my bank card. You need to go to the dentist to get your choppers cleaned. They're starting to grow barnacles."

He yawned and stretched. "I don't care about my looks."

"Son, I'm a toothless motherfucker because I didn't look after myself when I was a kid. Have you ever tried munching on pretzels with your gums?"

"No."

I smiled. "Trust me. It's fucking awful. Do what I tell you. It will help you in the long run."

I took the bus to the school. The place was completely deserted except for the office workers. I spent four hours planning for August and September. Teachers have to be prepared, or the students will feed on you like vicious piranhas. They instinctively know when you're not on top of your game, so you have to train yourself physically and mentally like a Kung-Fu master. I shit you not. 

Larry called me while I was sitting at my desk.

He said, "The insurance doesn't cover cleaning. She wants fifty bucks to do the procedure."

"Your dentist is a woman?"

"Yes. But I have a lot of faith in her."

"Then pay her the money and tell her to make those choppers sparkle."

I got home at 5 p.m. and cooked my boy some beef. Then I watched the Yankees defeat the Royals. It's now 10 p.m. I'm going to smoke another cig after I publish this piece of shit. God bless.

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