Divorcing an Evil Witch

(Life without the Dragon Lady has been sweet.)

Yesterday, I did my first load of laundry in the new washing machine. I thought it would be difficult because all of the instructions next to the buttons are in Korean. But Rice-Boy Larry helped me through the process, and everything went without a hitch. I even managed to remove the skid marks from my underwear by using the appropriate amount of bleach during the soak cycle. I was a proud man.

After that, I sat on the sofa in the living room and watched several episodes of Vikings. The experience was magnificent. Back when the Dragon Lady had reigned supreme, I had been forced to sit by my lonesome in the bedroom. But now the entire apartment is open for my enjoyment. It's wonderful being free.

Yet freedom comes with a price. I have lots more work to do. For instance, I had to clean both of the bathrooms. Here's my secret to cut down on the toil. I place a mixture of bleach and dishwashing liquid into a squirt bottle. Then I spray the the concoction all over the walls and toilets. After that, I wait for fifteen minutes to let the bleach do its job. Lastly, I hose everything down with the shower head.

In Korea, all of the restrooms have drains on the floor. So the water simply flows harmlessly away without hurting the the ceramic tiles.

But I wasn't finished because I had to cook supper for my boy. I threw some rice in a frying pan along with three eggs and loads of ham. I cooked the vittles for about twenty minutes before putting it on a plate. Then I carried the food to his room so that he could play his games while chomping on his dinner. I'm a real Betty Crocker.

Yet there was still more to do. I vacuumed the apartment to get the gunk off the floor. This took about thirty minutes. When I finished, it was time to wash the dishes. I put some pink rubber gloves on my hands and scrubbed like a maniac. Everything came out sparkling with cleanliness. 

I took the elevator outside and smoked a Marlboro Red. Upon my return, it was time to view baseball. The Yankees lost to the Orioles due to a ninth-inning walk-off homerun. It was extremely dramatic. I shouted the word fuck over and over again. I'm a huge fan of the Bronx Bombers. 

At eleven p.m., I walked to my room and watched porn. Most of the videos featured ebony beauties getting boned by white men. The females all had huge tits, and all the males possessed monster cocks. I had the time of my life.

I went to bed at one a.m. and slept like the dead. Then I woke up at eight a.m. and drank a cup of coffee. One of my former pastors sent me a text message. He wished to know the state of my mental health. You know. If my impending divorce was crushing my spirit. Stuff like that. I told him I was doing fine. And that's the truth. Divorce from that evil witch is a true blessing. I'm just praying that she never returns.

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