The Anti-Christ

(Perhaps the son of perdition will be a robot.)

Yesterday, I woke up at 8 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a nasty shit. The conservative mayor of Daegu is a man called Hong Joon-pyo. He tried to interrupt a gay-pride festival by deploying 450 public servants to block a major intersection. However, 1,500 cops showed up to help the sodomites, and the parade was allowed to continue unabated. Hong says that he wants to sack the police chief for being a woke libtard, but the mayor doesn’t have that kind of juice. Only the president is permitted to fire powerful government officials. You got to hand it to the homosexuals. They are truly taking over the world.

I ate hash browns for breakfast as I surfed the internet. There was more stuff about the gays on one of the websites. President Biden claims that those involved in same-sex marriages often get thrown out of restaurants. He also asserts that black men might get lynched if they walk into an all-white neighborhood. Of course, this is complete bullshit. In fact, American neighborhoods populated by Caucasians are some of the safest in the entire world. And nobody is preventing the homosexuals from enjoying brunch at their favorite dining establishments. Fake news is dominating the world.

The Dragon Lady walked into my room. “You go chawch?”

I nodded. “Yes, I’m leaving soon.”

I try to attend church every Sunday. I’m a real scumbag, so I often worry about my immortal soul. To make matters worse, I’m also an old geezer. Therefore, I’ll be meeting my maker sooner than later. Pray for me.

She said, “On da way home, you must buy da ba-nah-nah.”

“OK. Not a problem.”

I eat bananas on a daily basis for lunch. In fact, I’ll share my diet with you fuckheads so that you, too, can shed some weight. I devour two Costco hash browns in the morning. Then I munch on a banana at noon. And finally I eat a regular-sized dinner in the evening. I also chomp on six pieces of nicotine gum throughout the day. Don’t laugh. I’ve managed to lose 53 pounds due to my lifestyle change. Soon, I’ll be the prettiest man in all of Seoul.

I drove to church with Rice-Boy Larry. We didn’t say much to each other. My boy only talks in monosyllables. His vocabulary consists of these three sentences: Yes. No. Huh?

The sermon was OK. We’re still studying the Book of Isaiah. The prophet managed to predict the death of Sennacherib and his formidable army before the event actually occurred. That’s quite impressive when you think about it. I’m glad that God doesn’t speak to me. I would shit my pants with fear.

Afterwards, we assembled in groups and discussed the pastor’s message. The subject of the anti-Christ came up.

I said, “The prophet Daniel says that he’ll have no interest in women. So maybe he’s a future pope or a homosexual.”

A man named Jurgen spoke up. He’s from Lithuania. “Perhaps the anti-Christ will be a robot. Have you thought about that? They are doing marvelous things with artificial intelligence these days.”

I smiled at him. “You might be right. In fact, that makes perfect sense.”

An angry Canadian named Adam shared his thoughts. “You're both wrong. The anti-Christ will be an American president who takes over the world with his nonsense.”

Adam really hates the United States. He’s perpetually badmouthing my nation every chance he gets.

I said, “It’s possible. But you have to scratch Trump and Biden off the list.”

He said, “Why?”

I said, “Because they both love the ladies a little too much.”

Everybody laughed and laughed. It turns out that some people find me witty. Go figure. 

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