Gay Pride in Korea

(Butt fuckers and pussy bumpers usually stay in the closet.)

Yesterday, I woke up at 8 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a nasty shit. June is pride month, and the gays in South Korea are still looking for a place to hold their annual festival. Seoul Plaza remains unavailable, and this has the LGBTQ community crying foul. They believe that bigotry is the reason behind the rejection. And they are probably correct. Northeast Asia isn’t exactly a bastion of homosexual rights. On the contrary. It’s a conservative part of the world which values conventional families. Therefore, butt fuckers and pussy bumpers usually stay in the closet.

I ate hash browns for breakfast as I surfed the internet. A Chinese ship war ship displayed aggression to an American destroyer. It got way too close and came within 150 yards of ramming the USS Chung-Hoon. It’s no secret that President Xi plans of taking Taiwan. I lived in Beijing for three years, and we weren’t even allowed to mention the island nation in our classroom due to threats of deportation. We could only call it China. But this is what really chaps my ass. Greedy American capitalists and politicians turned our natural enemy into a global superpower in order to line their pockets. And now these very same people expect the working class to pick up their rifles to wage war against the golem they themselves created. No thank you.

The Dragon Lady walked into my room. “I need da money. Ask you mommy.”

I said, “How much?”

“Twenty tousand.”

“Twenty thousand dollars?”

She nodded. “It to pay da cledit card.”

I laughed out loud. “Your ass hurts. She’s never going to give you that kind of scratch.”

“It not fair. She nevah help.”

“The other day, I asked if I could have fifty bucks. She told me to piss up a rope.” I laughed again. “Twenty grand? Good luck with that.”

“Den what I do?”

“You have two choices. You can get a job, or you can go bankrupt.”

Suddenly, Rice-Boy Larry appeared. My boy took my side.

He said, “That’s true, Mom. He asked Granny for a fifty, and she told him that she’s cash poor.”

The Dragon Lady shook her head in disgust. “You mommy so cheap.”

I shrugged. “It is what it is.”

And I’m not lying. I wanted to join Medium. It’s a website that features essays by various libtard authors from around the globe. So I asked my mother to foot the bill in order to hide my activity from the wife. But the old lady flatly refused. I don’t hold it against her. She is cash poor. All her dough is tied up in real estate.

Later in the afternoon, I watched the game between the Yankees and the Dodgers. Clayton Kershaw was on the mound for Los Angeles. For all you non-baseball fuckheads, Clayton is pretty damn good. The Dodgers won the contest by four runs.

In the evening, I finished a Netflix series called Beef. The first nine episodes were terrific. But the finale turned out to be a little too philosophical for my taste. Nevertheless, I highly recommend the show. 

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