Extraterrestrial Intelligence

 

(What if the aliens are actually demons?)

Yesterday, I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a nasty shit. Ten percent of Korean teenagers have been high on painkillers. Of this number, most of them got stoned after being administered fentanyl patches by their physicians. However, some are using the drugs illicitly. On top of that, the youth of the peninsula are drinking more than ever. And who can blame them? School stress permeates this land like a cancer, and a bottle of soju is less than two dollars. But there is some good news to report. Smoking amongst minors has taken a precipitous nosedive. Tobacco seems to be off the menu.

I ate hash browns for breakfast as I surfed the internet. A group of wealthy men commandeered a tiny submarine and dove it under the icy waters of the Atlantic to get a glimpse of the Titanic. Unfortunately, something went horribly wrong, and the vessel experienced a catastrophic implosion. I have no what the fuck that means exactly, but it isn’t good. All of the guys were apparently blown to kingdom come. Needless to say, there are no survivors from this accident. People on the internet are making fun of the victims because of their money. Yet I find this distasteful. Plus I don’t hate rich folk. They are doomed to die just like the rest of us.

I drove to work in my ancient SUV. Rice-Boy Larry was in the passenger seat. We struck up a conversation as I sped down the freeway.

I said, “You and your buddies might be the final generation before the return of Christ.”

He shot me the stink eye. “What are you on about now?”

“Just hear me out before you call me crazy. Your generation is going to have the chance to see something both terrifying and glorious at the same time.”

“Christ’s return?”

I nodded. “Well, that’s just the start of it. I think we’re being slowly groomed to accept the notion of extraterrestrial intelligence. When you get older, don’t be surprised if the entire planet is taken over by so-called aliens. I'll probably be dead by then. They will come in peace and offer humanity both bread and circuses. But try not to fall for the bullshit. These are malevolent creatures.”

“Aliens are malevolent? And just how would you know that?”

“The strong always dominate the weak. Besides, I don’t really think these creatures are from another solar system.”

“Then what exactly are they?”

“Demons. And they will usher in a one-world government, and the vast majority of the global population will take the bait with a smile on their faces and a song in their hearts. And why the fuck not? This government will come with free food and nice digs. It’s going to be very hard to say no.”

He chuckled at me derisively. “So the spacemen are actually fallen angels?”

“That’s correct. And it won’t be long until they start wiping out the believers in the one true God. It’s going to be a slaughter.”

Larry sighed heavily. “Please keep this nonsense a secret between us. I don’t want the world to know that my father is a kook.”

I didn’t let his nasty attitude get in the way of my little speech. “I’ll more than likely be dead before the arrival of these wolves in sheep’s clothing. But remember my words of wisdom. Don’t accept their government cheese. Make no mistake. It’s the mark of the beast.”

My son looked at me with pity in his eyes. “Get help, Dad.”

I popped a piece of nicotine gum into my mouth and chewed it like a madman.

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