Bankrupt

 

(The Dragon Lady is buried in debt.)

Yesterday, I woke up at 8 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a nasty shit. Two old geezers from the city of Gwangju decided to kill an afternoon by gambling for money. So they sat in an empty container box and played a traditional Korean game called yutnori for cash. The loser became very unhappy and threw gasoline on the winner. Then he set the poor prick on fire. The victim died of his injuries four months later. And here’s the kicker. The perpetrator of this crime collected over $6,000 because his burnt-up buddy had written him into the will.

I ate hash browns for breakfast as I surfed the internet. Meatball Ron is in a little bit of trouble after offending the libtards. The governor from Florida explained to a news reporter why baseball is his favorite sport. DeSantis believes that the NBA is filled with athletic freaks, and therefore he simply can’t relate to those who dribble and dunk for a living. Conversely, the MLB features players who look like normal people whom you might meet in a grocery store. For his comments, he was called a racist by the talking heads in the mainstream media. For the record, I’m a huge fan of both the NBA and the MLB. Watching athletes ply their trade is by far my favorite hobby.

The Dragon Lady walked into my room. “Soon, I go bankwupt.”

I nodded. “OK.”

“I owe da tirty-fie tousand dollah.”

I nodded again. “Thirty-five grand. That’s a lot.”

“I can’t pay.”

“Sorry.” I paused for dramatic effect. “But have you thought about getting a job? You could probably pay it all off in two or three years.”

She shook her head forlornly. “Kolea not rike rady my age.”

“So you’re saying that you’re too old to get a job?”

“Yes. Too owd. Maybe you muthah give me twenty tousand. Den I get da job.”

“My mom doesn’t have twenty grand. She’s house poor.”

“Den what I do?”

I sighed heavily. “It seems you have three choices. Go to work. Go bankrupt. Or jump out the window.”

I felt deep regret upon speaking these words. Lots of Koreans kill themselves every year, and their preferred method of suicide is leaping from a great height. Don’t get me wrong. I hate the Dragon Lady with an all-consuming passion. Yet I don’t want to see her come to any sort of physical harm.

I said, “I was just joking about that jumping out the window comment. It’s only money. It’s certainly isn’t worth your life.”

My wife shot me the stink eye. “You da mutha-fucka”

Even though it was Saturday, I was forced to drive to work. This is my busy season, and I had a stack of papers on my desk that needed to be graded. The academic year is pretty much over, yet I still have many i’s to dot and t’s to cross. You know how it goes. The bullshit never ends.

Sitting at my desk, I had to fight back the tears. I frequently toil like a coolie, but nothing ever seems to go my way. However, I soon realized that self-pity is fucking worthless. Lots of people have it far worse than me. Right now as I scribble this drivel, some poor asshole is getting butt fucked in prison by street thugs. My point? Things could always be worse.

With that said, I need an action plan. I have to get away from this woman before she kills me. The drama never ends, and I desperately need a little peace before I die.