Snob

(Professor Bruce is a snob.)

Yesterday, I woke up at 8 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a shit. President Yoon’s popularity took a severe dip after meeting with Japan’s leader. Yoon wants to mend fences with his neighbor, but Korean hatred toward Nippon is something that never seems to fade. They still remember the abuse they were forced to take at the hands of that island nation. At one point in time, even speaking the Korean language was against the law and subject to harsh penalties. Yoon’s popularity now stands at 30 percent amongst the citizens.

I ate hash browns for breakfast as I watched Fox News. Greg Gutfeld was discussing the Tennessee school shooting with a panel of guests. He says that we shouldn’t publicize mass murder because it leads to more bloodshed due to the copycat effect. But I disagree. Senseless carnage is newsworthy, and refusing to speak about it is nothing more than a form of censorship. People need to know what’s going on in the world, and we don’t need the elite spoon feeding the population feel-good stories.

I called my mother using Facebook Messenger.

She said, “Nurse Ken hurt his back.”

My heart skipped a beat. “What happened?”

She shrugged. “He must have slept on it wrong.”

“Is the injury very serious?”

“I don’t think so.”

My oldest son is a bit of a hypochondriac. For instance, he spent three months about four years ago walking with a cane due to a bum leg. Yet the pain was in his head. Anyway, that’s what we suspected at the time. He’s now physically OK, but I still get nervous when I’m forced to listen about his aches and pains. I remember the dark days like they were yesterday.

I said, “What Nurse Ken needs is a gym membership.”

She nodded. “He does exercise from time to time. But I agree with you. He spends far too many hours sitting in front of his computer.”

“Asian boys are notorious when it comes to their internet games. Many of the kids at my school are a bunch of addicts.”

“Well, I guess it’s better than smoking dope and knocking up the girls.”

I sighed heavily. “That’s one way of looking at it.”

Later in the day, I walked to McDonald’s for a coffee. The fast-food restaurant is located right next to a Starbucks. But I refuse to patronize that Seattle gyp joint. Who’s got five bucks to waste on a cup of Joe. I sat outside under the patio and ran into an old acquaintance named Bruce. He works at one of the local universities as a professor. Bruce is a Harvard graduate, but I don’t hold it against him.

I said, “Have you ever seen that show The Last of Us?”

He said, “Is it on Netflix?”

I shook my head. “No, it’s an HBO thing.”

He took a sip of coffee. “I don’t have access to HBO.”

“Neither do I.”

“Then how can you view the program?”

“I download it at a site called 1337x.”

“Is it legal to download?”

“Probably not. Yet I remain a free man. So I’ve decided to roll the dice and take my chances.”

He smiled. “What’s the show about?”

“Fungi attack the world and turn everybody into zombies.”

He crinkled his nose. “Think I’ll pass.”

Bruce is a bit of a snob. He loves writers like Tolstoy and Camus, but he has no patience for Stephen-King type of shit. I guess you could call him a snob.