Explosions and Gunshots

(Tell all your friends to watch The Chosen.)

Yesterday, I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a shit. Six South Korean soldiers stationed in Yeoncheon were caught smuggling drugs into their garrison. In the early morning hours, they would smoke grass with their buddies in the shower. They also ate cannabis that came in the form of capsules. Drugs are a huge no-go here on the peninsula. Even marijuana will earn you time in prison. In fact, many people who are brought up on narcotics charges get longer jail sentences than rapists and murderers. I kid you not. If you ever decide to visit Asia, it’s a good policy to leave your bongs back at home.

I ate hash browns for breakfast as I watched Fox News. The city of Portland is giving property rights to the homeless encamped in public spaces. In other words, the bums will be allowed to live in the parks without the threat of being arrested by the police for vagrancy. They are also permitted to keep their shopping carts and make-shift tents. Big Brother will no longer clear these items off the sidewalk. Homelessness is a tough issue for me. I wouldn’t want some derelict sleeping in front of my house. Yet where are they supposed to go? It’s not like we can throw them off a cliff. They’re human beings after all.

I called my mother using Facebook Messenger.

She said, “Nurse Ken got sent home from work.”

I shook my head and sighed. “Did he fuck up again?”

“No, he kept on vomiting . It was putting the customers off their food.”

“Is he OK?”

“He’s upstairs sleeping as we speak. Should I wake him up?”

“Better not. Let him rest, and we’ll see how he is in the morning.”

Mom changed the subject. “I talked to your sister. She seems much happier. She now even claims that she’s going to keep teaching to her 30^th year in order to collect the full retirement.”

“That’s great. She’s stronger than me.”

And this is true. I could only handle five years in the American public school system. It was driving me completely batshit. Thirty years of educating those brainless hooligans sounded like a prison sentence rather than a job to my ears. I don’t know how teachers do it. I’d rather get a gig at the Waffle House. I shit you not.

I got to work at 8 a.m. and enjoyed a few YouTube videos during my downtime. One of them was by a young conservative Christian named Brylan Riggs. Brylan and his wife can be seen badmouthing The Chosen in this clip. They even claim that the show is satanic. Well, in my humble opinion, they can both take a flying fuck at a rolling donut. The Chosen rocks and is being used by God as a great tool to get people interested in Jesus. I’ve got nothing against Brylan and his old lady, but they sound like a couple of joyless, dry-as-bones Pharisees. Stop with the lectures, and start with the love.

My day at work went well. We finished reading Thank You, M’am by Langston Hughes. The kids thought it was boring, yet I really like that story a great deal. I told the children that not everything can revolve around explosions and gunshots. But they were having none of it, demanding to read more tales similar to The Most Dangerous Game and A Sound of Thunder.

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