Camping with Father Murphy

 

(Stay out of the woods.)

Yesterday, I read the bible. I’m currently on the part in the Gospel of Mark where Jesus’s family thinks he’s nuts. They go to one of the local houses and tell the people to bring Jesus outside. And he rebukes them by saying they are not his true blood. He would rather hang around people who do the will of God than relations who are clueless about the ways of the Lord. Many of the churches around the world worship the bourgeois Christ. I often wonder if Jesus would actually be welcomed at most Sunday services.

I switched on Netflix and watched a film called Spotlight. It’s about sexually perverted priests in Boston and how the church covered up their crimes against children. Some of the stats were quite shocking. According to the movie, only 50 percent of the Roman Catholic clergy are actually celibate. Furthermore, a full six percent are active pedophiles. Are these facts true? I couldn’t tell you one way or the other. Hollywood often takes liberties. But I will say this. There is no way in hell that I would allow my sons to go camping with Father Murphy. Let’s just leave it at that.

I went to bed at midnight and slept like the dead. Then I woke up at 9 a.m. and walked to the bathroom. I proceeded to read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a shit. The Korean police arrested a couple of Muslims who are currently living in the city of Yeongam. These two men have been sending money to terrorists using Bitcoin. The powers-that-be are expanding their investigation. They fear that other Muslims residing on the peninsula might be involved.

I called my mom using Facebook messenger.

She said, “How’s your wife doing?”

I shrugged. “The same as usual. She’s still crazy as a bedbug.”

“Was she fighting with Nurse Ken the other night?”

I nodded. “He told her she could move to America if she agreed to behave herself.”

“And what happened?”

“She screamed and yelled and used heaps of bad language.”

“What’s her problem?”

“I couldn’t tell you. I’m not a trained psychiatrist, and she refuses to get help.”

“Are you still thinking about returning to the States?”

I smiled. “Damn straight. But I have to get myself into shape. To get my job at Waffle House, I’ll be required to stand ten hours a day. That’s not easy for a guy in his fifties.”

“Ten hours? That’s rough.”

“No pain, no gain.”

Later that morning, I turned on Fox News and viewed the Dan Bongino show. He went over a huge list of fake news that the media has fed to the public over the last six years. This list included stories about Hunter Biden’s laptop, Bubba Wallace’s noose, Jussie Smollett’s bogus ordeal at the hands of racists, etc. And let’s not forget the phony Russian collusion during the 2016 election. The report was quite impressive. So-called journalists are now picking sides and telling tall tales in order to influence American politics. But why lose sleep over it? We get the government we deserve. Nobody is forcing American citizens to vote for losers like Nancy Pelosi or Mitch McConnell. Sadly, we bring the problems upon ourselves.